Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sleeping Tiger

So gracious, so civilized
Teeth grinding, lips curled
Try so hard, grin so wide
Growling under breath

Crawling close, closer
Shoulders swimming
Up and up, closer
Least expected

Even by you
Stripes crawling
Into palms closed

Look deeper, this time
Past yourself
Sleeping tiger
I know it’s hard

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

She wakes...a poem

She wakes from slumber
Stretching her arms
Over eastern sky
Extending her fingers
Gracefully to feel

She wakes from slumber
Clearing foggy webs
Resting on grassy beds
Opening eyes slowly
Peering through clouds

She wakes from slumber
Hearing gentle music
Nature’s lovely symphony
Ear raised to listen
Life waking to greet

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Tis the season of loss?

During traumatic and stressful times in our lives we may ask God “why me?”. When bad things happen to good people we may feel anger toward God, or disappointment, or neglect. In the past two days I have had different associates come to me and share some shocking news.  One said her husband was diagnosed with a neck tumor, awaiting tests. She can’t stop crying, and he can’t stop hugging their two year old son as if it’s for the last time. The other told me his sister had a miscarriage yesterday. This was the family’s first child, and all were devastated with the news. In addition, my brother’s coworker lost his mom around Thanksgiving. What is going on? Why all of this pain and sadness right before the holidays? 

It is difficult to rationalize God’s will during times of fear and grief.  It can be easy to turn away from God.  However, it is during adversities when our belief in the divine is most needed; when we must have faith that all is as it should be. I lost my mother a week after Christmas when I was 16 years old. Two years ago my best friend passed away on the 16th anniversary of my mother’s death.  I felt I would crumble into a million pieces, what was left of me. However, I would remember that both of them had predicted the time of their passing years before it happened. I decided to have faith, that it was their destiny, their time. I also believe we choose our life (including the time of our birth and death) as souls before we are born. So I also took comfort in the idea that this is what they ultimately chose to experience.  Some people turn their loss into opportunities to help others. John Walsh started “America’s Most Wanted” after his son was abducted and killed and the “Amber Alert” was created by a mother who’s daughter Amber was also abducted and killed, in turn saving thousands of other childrens’ lives.

We all deal with issues differently, and when the health and lives of our loved ones are concerned, it is especially difficult to know how to cope.   But you can turn your situation into an opportunity to practice faith; faith that all is as it should be; faith that God knows best, even if we don’t understand why.

Friday, December 10, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

As the year draws to and end, you make be thinking about what New Year resolutions you would like to make. I usually do not set “resolutions” for I find them to be more like sacrifices or milestones than realistic goals…I will stop smoking, give up meat, start working out, loose 20 pounds, find love, change myself, change my life. These are great, but as with fad diets, setting unrealistic goals to accomplish too quickly only sets us up for failure and disappointment. Make 2011 about self love. Instead of giving up things you love, try moderation and focus on other things you can do to make your life full of more joy. This might mean leaving a stagnant job or relationship, cutting toxic people out of your life that only hold you back, taking more time for your self to meditate and reflect, taking up a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or buying a new vacuum because the one you have is driving you mad (ok, personal experience)!

Focusing on your self may sound selfish at first, but by first giving to yourself to create joy, happiness and balance within, can you then bring these energies out into the universe. But on a simpler level, you deserve to be happy.  There will always be things we cannot control in our lives, but your happiness is all you. You choose how you deal with adversity, you chose to stay in a bad situation, and you decide to be negative or a victim. This New Year, take a small step toward self..self understanding, self acceptance, self love.

                                 Happy Holidays and New Year! 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Fox in wolf's clothing

My brother was just in town over Thanksgiving weekend. It was an unexpected visit with a last minute work assignment. Nothing compares to spending time with someone who knows you so well; and the perfect person to have around when finding yourself in the midst of a spiritual awaking.  We always share great conversation, and this weekend was no different. Quite randomly the conversation of Totem animals came up. My brother said he can see certain animal's traits and mannerisms in people. And he thinks I am a fox. After looking up the Fox as a totem animal,  it was striking how many similarities I share! Fox represent adaptability, protector of their family, wisdom, cleverness, determination, focus and strategy.

But then I began to think about the negative connotations associated with the fox. Why does my brother see me as a fox and not a wolf? Do others see me as a fox too? Do I come off as a cunning and a trickster? Why am I not seen as a powerful and noble wolf?  Then I thought about how animals and how all, no matter how big, small or insignificant they appear to be all have their own unique skills, gifts, lessons and magic. Animals also unconsciously embrace who they are. They do not contemplate who they are, or who they wish they were. A fox does not go about it's day wishing it was a wolf, or a dolphin, or an eagle. Instead they are only who they are. What a great message for us humans. We are all born with our own unique traits and gifts, and magic.  We embrace this as children, yet as we grow up we loose touch with our inner magic. Sometimes this is due to family pressure, peer pressure or self doubt.  We become the fox in wolf's clothing. As we do this, we step further away from who were really are and become lost in who we wish we were, or wish to project to others.  Instead, we need to embrace our true self, our fox.  We need to embrace our unique magic, that is ours to share with the world!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Forgiveness is acceptance

The holiday season is officially upon us! A time of joy, love, cheer, celebration, family, presents and great food. It is the time of year we consciously reflect upon the people and things we are thankful for. Or so it “should” be. However, the holidays can also be a stressful and even depressing time for some people. No more are the things we are missing in our lives more magnified. When we are reminded of the broken bonds with family, or the strains we may be experiencing. When holiday dinners more closely resemble World War 3 than the greeting card we expect (assuming everyone else’s family does but ours).  The truth is, no family is perfect and without their issues and dramas.  And yes, sometimes we are even more aware of them after a few holiday cocktails. Depending on your situation, the pain and disappointment may have been building for years. And as the holidays approach you may feel the need to forgive someone who has wronged you.  

If you are ready to forgive that person or people, then make the call and have that conversation to share your feelings.  I used the word share, not confront. Confrontation is not forgiveness, but the placing of blame and judgment. Confrontations are Ego driven and the Ego loves to play victim and feel justified. To truly forgive is to accept the person for who they are, and know they will never be the person you want them to be. Your journey is no more important in God’s eyes than someone else’s, for we are all equal. Therefore, you must accept the past and have no expectations for the future. Forgiveness is acceptance. If you choose you are not ready to forgive someone this year, that’s OK. Instead, forgive yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and release all of the guilt, the responsibility, the pain and the shame that you have been carrying on your shoulders. Enter the New Year reborn and renewed, with a lighter step and a lighter soul from releasing any resentment that you have been carrying upon your shoulders.  Love your self, be kind to your self and celebrate yourself. You deserve it!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Lizard in a box

There’s no holding back now, the flood gates are open, and the waters of change and emotions are pouring out. The swishing in my ear has stopped, because I have begun to listen. A new awakening, a new dawn is coming.  By reading the other entries of my blog you will know I have been going through a change, or approaching a new path. I continue my journey. Yesterday I happen to come some more insightful information when I discovered Mayan astrology.  As I began to poke around and research my chart I came across some fascinating information about "wavespells", which are personal cycles that occur every 260 days.  I learned that I was going through one this week!  The website proposed to utilize a wavespell by analyzing your thoughts and dreams by keeping a journal. Funny enough, I had started to journal that week (not having done so in over 10 years). I was overcome by a desire to let my thoughts out on paper. Now, to interpret my dreams. Last night I dreamt of a lizard. I kept in a small white box. I loved this lizard, and it showed me much affection back. Then the time came when I began to realize my little lizard was getting restless and wanted to be set free. I became afraid and worried. I tried setting it free in a parking lot, but kept it in the box. It jumped around, moving the box and I was afraid it would get run over by a car. Therefore, it had to be let out of the box to truly be safe, and free.  I pondered setting it free in my back yard to keep it close to me. But I felt afraid and worried that it would escape and not be able to fend for itself (knowing deep down the little lizard would flourish and be happy in the wild).  I then realized what I was really afraid of was that I would never see my lizard again, and it never really needed or loved me. When I  woke up I looked up lizard interpretations on the Internet over my morning coffee. I found that as a totem, lizards represent dream analysis (OK, a puzzle within a puzzle, great). Then I came across a website about Mayan astrology with a birth date calculator to find out what your Mayan animal sign is.  And drum roll please....mine is the lizard! Wow, this is too much!  I suppose one interpretation of my dream is that I am the lizard, or my true self is, that I am trying to protect by keeping in a box.  However, now it’s time to set myself free!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I want to be fire...a poem

I want to be fire, strong and bright
I want to be earth, solid and right
I want to be air, careless and flight
I want to be water, floating and light
But today I feel, unbalance and fright

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ocean in my ear

I just don’t know what to do.  I know what I’d like to do-take time off from working and focus on home, baby, and self.  To then re-emerge renewed, spiritually in tune and ready for the next (much bigger) step.  What do you do when you can’t?  When leaving your job is not an option for financial reasons?  When the love is gone at work and your higher self feels trapped and depressed?  In a time of record high unemployment rates, I feel guilty.  Am I selfish, irrational? Unrealistic to want to walk away from a “good job” and want to be at home, with my baby, and focus on my spiritual evolution, to become a writer?  My reason, my mind, will tell me yes! But my heart tells me no.  

I have suffered from three ear infections this year, ever since I gave birth to my baby.  My doctor is stumped. I have never had an ear infection prior.  My baby has not had any. I recently came across information about Chakras, how their imbalance has a spiritual, emotional and even physical impact on a person. I came across a book on my bookshelf at home that was given to me 11 years ago by someone I used to counsel with at a summer camp. I have never read the book prior and forgot I even had it. It is about Chakras and how their imbalance can cause physical illnesses and diseases. My research led me to realize my 5th chakra is being blocked, and the imbalance is causing my ear infections.  The 5th chakra represents communication of self and your truth, and expressing one’s creativity; and affects the head, throat, ears and nose. I have done a lot of soul searching, which has brought me to writing. Through my writing I wish to inspire others, to help others heal, to help myself heal.  I have begun doing this, to live in balance with my 5th chakra, but my ear infections continue (I have one as I write this). I hear a swishing sound in my ear, like the sound of the ocean in a shell. Water represents emotions and I am affraid of the ocean. What is being whispered in my ear, what am I not hearing, not doing? What am I missing?

I also recently learned about the North and South Nodes in astrology.  The South Node represents the past and the skills acquired from ones past lives. The North Node represents the future, the destiny in this life time.  The North and South Nodes are always in opposite signs from each other. My South Node is in Taurus, the sign of stability, sacrifice and material foundation; and exactly how I have been living my life thus far.  My North Node is in Scorpio, the sign of the spiritual investigator, to investigate the depths of their emotions and how to use them as a means for self-healing and helping others. WOW! It’s crazy how everything connects.

I started my journey a few years ago when I began to suffer from panic attacks and fear of swallowing (5th Chakra blocked). I took steps...moved cross country, changed jobs, then quit what I thought to be a dream job that was making me miserable, and the panic attacks went away . I was finally heading in the right direction. I spent three months tapping back into my higher self, prayed everyday, was visited by totems and focused on the spiritual aspects of life. When I was ready for my next path, the universe delivered by giving me a better opportunity. And I am grateful. I have learned a lot about myself.  And now I am looking for my next path. But, I feel lost. So I give my trust and future to God and have faith I am where I belong, and will get to where I'm destined to go. Sometimes we need to take a step backwards before we can take a step forward.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Women that drink...cheers

The other day I was out with some of my girlfriends and an interesting topic came up, why women today drink so much more than past generations? I do, my friends do, and statistics back it up. During our round table over double vodkas and tequila shots, we all agreed being a modern woman today is…stressful. Even if you are completely happy with your life, women today face different challenges our past generations did not have to. Whether single or married, with or with out kids, employed or unemployed, career mom or stay at home mom, we all face the same problem…trying to balance it all. As women, we are natural perfectionists. And that means we try to be perfect in every facet of our lives. Add this to our already full plates. We still have the responsibilities they had, with home and family. But now we have added pressures, such as getting a college degree, having a “career” (not just a job), having a female boss who is on the same cycle as you (and hers automatically trumps yours), fear of losing that career, working longer hours, sleeping less, being laid off and having to look for a job in this market , global health and natural disaster, looking like that air-brushed celebrity, losing your baby weight in 3 months like said celebrity, keeping up with technology and new devices (there’s –a-new-i-phone-every-month-and-everyone-seems-to-own-one-but-me-syndrome), comparing your life to “reality shows”  like ‘The Real Housewives’ or ‘My Super Sweet (Spoiled) Sixteen’ (instead of ‘Leave it to Beaver’ and ‘I Love Lucy’), being more successful or making more money than your spouse, resorting to finding love on dating websites, the price of a salon visit, the price of gas, the price of food, the price of EVEYTHING! No wonder we drink. Every one of my friends is going through something stressful in their life right now. As a nation, we are hung over looking to get drunk again-the champagne bubble of the 80’s and 90’s has burst, the high that came with living large is gone, the martini glass of excessive cash flow and spending has dried up, and the punch drunk face of America is now a mean drunk. We are all coping by turning our attentions back to the simple things in life, but the continued uncertainty lingers like a shadow. And so we drink (responsibly of course). We drink to bond, to forget, to unwind, to relax, and to stay sane. I say cheers my sisters, have that glass of wine, you deserve it!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Give it a rest

You've done the work. You have consciously lived each day in balance with your true self and spirituality, have said your prayers, started your day mentally prepared to be in the positive, have shared your gifts and inspired others, or in any other way that brings meaning to your soul. Congratulations! But what if today you woke up, and not sure what else to do. Like a steam engine you were running at full speed, and today you feel tired, overwhelmed or just not in the mood to do the work? What now? TAKE A BREAK!

Ambition is great for achieving your goals, and necessary to reach them.  However, although spirituality may be a goal of yours one must remember that it is also a process. And a process takes time. Just as taking action is essential to make things happen, it is equally important for you to take a break. Taking a breaking will give you time to rest, to gather your strength for future actions, and keep you in touch with your true self. It is during quiet times of meditation, contemplation or just relaxation that we allow ourselves to get back to self.  Logic and the mind are wonderful gifts from God, but remember to give your heart equal time, to live in balance with both. Thinking, contemplating and analyzing can become toxic to your soul and over shadow your true self if done in excess. Trust me, I know first hand this is easier said then done. I am a chronic over-thinker and multi-tasker. Yesterday was my day off and I had to force myself through sheer will to just relax and give my mind a rest. By allowing our mind to rest, our hearts to open, we face the new day rejuvenated and balanced.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Smallville Love

The agony, I loved most of all
Unrequited love, shared by none
You loved her from the start
The fallen angel lost on earth
Stronger than man of steel

You felt so deep for both
Blocked by a wall of fear
But she waited for you
All along, she waited for you
Stronger than man of steel

The spark in your eye obvious
To all that loved you, but her
Who doubted from the start
The messages from above
And were too proud to see

Equals in every way, scared
Allowing time and years to pass
From that first glance.
Still tried hard, the next ones
All wit and confidence.

 I remember that day so clear
When she rode up to see you
For the last time, it seemed
You on the farm,  so wholesome                 
She on horseback, so symbolic


Arms open reluctantly
Eagles visit once again
Wings spread wide
Is this the message
I fear the most?

Always water, in the past
Place of fear and nightmares
But what of the earth
I covered myself in last night
Was it of fear, death or rebirth?

And today biggest fear
Somehow looked so beautiful
No longer death unexpected
Only vulgarity of religion
Into true intent of symbolism

Even you don’t believe, this time
And I truly don’t want to
Horse bites, bird dies
Nightmares bring messages
Of love and bright futures to come

Clipped Wings

Greatness comes early
Children know this secret
Live the true life, true to self
Open and ready to share with all
Proud of knowledge and strengths
Karmic lessons shared with all

But this world is vengeful at times
An insecure soul putting out the light
That burns so naturally through God
Fearful to the core, scared little bird
Teacher becomes the unwilling pupil
Child’s wings clipped so early on

Were your wings clipped early too?
I saw them on the side of the road today
On a walk with my baby
I thought of you , of humankind
If I was not so afraid myself
I would have taken it further
Have we fallen, is that the message?

Friday, November 5, 2010

Crystal in the sky??

It is so easy to start your day off on the wrong foot. Whether it is because you did not get enough sleep, or don't feel well, or are running late to work, and traffic sucks, and you wish you were in bed...the list can go on and on. But those glitches in our smooth day are not what cause the day to begin on the wrong foot, it is our mind set. I had a pretty rough start to my day this morning, with only 5 hours of sleep and getting myself and baby ready to head out the door, only to find my gas light is on in my car, and the gas station pump was broken so I had to move my car, and idiot drivers on the roads...yes, I was not in a chipper mood. However, as my commute continued I began complaining to myself about all sorts of things, other things that happened in the past and had nothing to do with my current commute or day. I caught myself and stopped, took a deep breath and said out loud to myself "why am I complaining, is this how I want to start my day (trust me it was difficult, for I am no Mother Teresa here)?". At that exact moment I glanced over to my left and saw something amazing...a small dot in the sky with the colors of the rainbow! It looked like a crystal in the sky! I looked around to see what was causing it and I couldn't figure it out. I whipped out my cell phone and took a picture to share with you all. I was overcome with this feeling when I saw this light that it was a message, a message that my realization was correct and everything would be fine.  It truly is amazing, as you open yourself up to the universe and signs, they deliver!  It is so easy to take our minds to the negative and mundane, the irrelevant mind torture of contemplating things and people we cannot change. We cannot change the past, and we cannot predict the future.  What we can absolutely change are our thoughts in the present moment. Instead of complaining, try telling yourself you will have a great day today..and you just might see a sign of your own.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

We stopped a car fire tonight!

Tonight my husband and I almost skipped our evening walk with baby.  It was getting dark, and baby and husband just woke up from a nap. It was a lazy day and difficult to muster the energy to go. But a voice inside of me said we should take the walk.  “Come on it’s nice out, let’s go before it gets too dark. It’s dusk and pretty out. We will all sleep better tonight if we take this walk”, I said to my husband.  If I only knew how true those words would ring. We walked down to the end of the street, half of the walk we normally take.  As I made a big u-turn with the stroller, I noticed shadows of fire light flickering off of a neighbor’s garage.  Jack-o-Lantern?  Candles?  After a double take, I noticed there was a small fire under the car parked in front of the garage. I wanted to run up and knock on the neighbor’s door, but the car was right next to the front door, and I didn’t want to risk myself or them getting hurt if the fire got larger. We did not have a cell phone with us. Luckily another neighbor down the street was leaving and coming our way in his truck. We stopped him and told him what we saw, and asked he call the fire department.  The gentlemen in the truck drove down the couple of houses to where the car was and pulled over to and called the fire department.  Unwilling to just sit in his truck, he dashed out, knocked on the front door of the car owner’s house. He saw a hose outside the house next door, grabbed the hose and put the fire out himself.  The young couple who owned the car was now in the drive way now and in shock, thankful that people took action.  Who knows what could have happened, the car could have blown up, the house could have caught on fire, and people could have been hurt. It is so easy to not get involved, to not take action, to walk away.  This is a great example of two important lessons: 1. Listen to your voice, your instinct. I did by dragging my family out for a walk. 2. Take action, get involved, do the right thing. I feel a little bit like a hero tonight. And the neighbor who put the fire out was absolutely a hero!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Cross-Roads...take that first step

Perhaps today finds you at cross-roads in life. You are ready to leave the old, the past, and the outdated behind and take a bold step into the future, the new, the unknown. Weather it is a journey you have consciously followed or an instinctual one, here you are, ready to take action! Your soul and destiny have brought you to this point, and you are confident this it is the right thing to do. However, as you start thinking more about it, rationalizing it and sharing it with others; you start to lose your confidence. “What was I thinking” “it will never work” “I don’t have what it takes” “mom and dad are right, only fools dream and grown ups plan”...

When our life, or destiny, brings you to a cross roads in life, to a time and place where you are leaving the old behind and facing a new path, it is important to have the confidence to proceed.  To have faith in your own vision can, at times be challenging. Often times with our own doubts or over-thinking, we can sabotage our own efforts.  Or, as we share our plans with others we may not receive the support we had expected. Well meaning family and friends may give us all of the rational reasons why not to pursue something, creating even more doubts. Or perhaps the opposite occurs and you receive such positive feedback, encouragement and support that you begin to feel like you may let people down if you do not “succeed”.  If your new path affects your family directly (such as moving, changing jobs, or using money from your savings account) you may feel a lot of pressure not to disappoint them, even if they are totally supporting your decision.

It can be easy to begin to rationalize and therefore doubt your initially instincts. So how do you proceed at this junction? Stop THINKING and start DOING. Have faith in the universe and God, and thus in yourself. If you are living your life in a way that is authentic to your true self, taking actions that is in line with your destiny, and utilizing the skills that have been given to you by God, there is NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE! Even if the outcome is not as you planned, remember that even set backs are a gift for you. For the set backs and obstacles are just as important to your development in this life; and the lessons learned from them are provided to get you back on the right track. All too much, as humans (or type A personalities like myself) we focus on the outcome, the goal, the plan. Instead, you must focus on the now, the journey, and the process to find your true happiness and eventually your destiny. Thank God for leading you to your cross-roads and with faith and confidence, take that first step.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Money doesn't always buy you everything

We all know money does not buy one love, happiness or health. All that matters in this world is your family, their happiness, and their wellbeing. For your children, you want nothing but the best, and most moms will say it out right “I only want the best for my child”.  But in today’s mass media and money hungry society, that often seems to include a high price tag. And I have found this particularly true then when it comes to how much some people spend on stuff for their children. Even during a recession! Why does a child need designer anything when they grow out of it so fast? Why does a Halloween costume have to cost more than my outfit?  

Why so much stuff? A child does not care about stuff. They only want the love and attention of their parents. Stuff and money cannot love a child, or hold them, or kiss them.  Instead of giving your child the best money can buy, how about you buy a more humble version and donate the remainder to children in real need?
My son enjoys playing with a plastic cup as much as he does a fancy toy that sings and counts. It’s ok to have those, and I certainly want my son to have some toys. But do I need to buy 10 musical toys that all essentially do the same thing? To me, it sets a child up with an outlook from an early age that more is more and not less is more.  I am a mom, and I know first hand that sometimes it’s easy to feel like you have to buy your child all of the latest crazes.  However, to me all of the material excesses are unnecessary (and not very green).  Especially when there are so many impoverished children in the world who lack the basic necessities like food and water.

Totems and Animal Spirit Guides...hear their message

Native American’s believe we can learn a lot from our animal brothers and sisters, that each animal has its own powers and lessons to teach mankind. Totem animals are spiritual guides that walk with you throughout your life time, as your animal counterpart. However, there are also animal spirit guides that have a temporary lesson to teach you, and several different animals can visit you during different times in your life.

Have you always had a connection with an animal, ever since you were a child? When you go to the zoo, is there a particular animal you have to visit?  This animal may your Totem animal.  Totem animals walk with you on your journey in life, and help you find your destiny.   They often appear during your childhood and stay with you for your entire life.  The Totem is in essence your path in life, representing your strengths, weaknesses and challenges you are to face and overcome in your lifetime.  Spirit Guides, on the other hand are ever changing.  They appear temporarily during different times of your life to bring you a message or an answer.  If you are going through a transitional or difficult time in your life, the Spirit Animal will walk with you and bring to you their powers to use.  But once you have learned and applied their lesson, and overcome your obstacle, the spirit guide walks away.

In order to utilize the power and assistance of your Totem and Spirit guides, one must be open and aware. Their messages may come to you suddenly or subtly, and it will be up to you to interpret the message they are offering you. Once your guide knows that you are willing to listen to their lessons, more will follow and more often.  I’d like to share with you my experiences.  I would say my Totem animal is the horse. Ever since I was a little girl I have been in love with horses. There is a funny voice recording my parents took of me when I was about 5 or 6 years old when my grandmother was visiting us.  My grandmother asks me what I want to be or have when I grow up. To which I reply “I wish to have a horse and a cart to pull my horse in”. 

From an early age, I had a profound connection to horses. But I didn’t know anything about Totems or Spirit Guides. Thinking back now, as a child I encountered and dreamt about a lot of animals.  There was the time when I was about 8 years old when my family and I took a hiking trip.  As we were driving up the curvy road on the side of a mountain, we had to stop the car to let a mother and baby bear cross.  In junior high I fell in love with elephants and collected figurines and statues of them.  It wasn’t until I was in high school that I first learned about Totems and Spirit animals.  After watching the movie “Dances with Wolves” I became so enchanted with the Native American cultures and religions that I studied them as a hobby. For years my spirit guide was the turtle, teaching me to be strong and to be strong of heart during difficult times.

After I graduated from college and started working, my focus became more on success and material things, and I started to ignore my spiritual self and my connection to nature. That is when the Spirit guides stopped coming to me.  They didn’t return for over ten years, and only returned when I was open to their messages again. In 2008 I abruptly quit my job.  I was recently promoted and thought I had my dream job.  However, after a few months I became overwhelmed by a strong feeling to quit my job.  I knew it was not a good fit and had a strong sense that there was something better out there for me. My decision was certainly not a rational one; (the total opposite of me), but it was almost like I had no choice. I felt my higher self and God were guiding me.  While  I was unemployed,  I started to get back into the spiritual side of life.  I began and ended each day with a prayer. I put all of my faith, and my fears of the unknown future, into God’s hands.  And that is when a spirit guide appeared to me again.  I was sitting on my balcony talking on the phone with my friend, doubting if I had made the right decision to quit my job, when I noticed a large Vulture circling high over head. It was so aspiring and it took my breath away.   I researched the meaning of the Vulture spirit guide and was shocked at how closely its meaning and message fit into my current situation. I shared this with my husband and friends, becoming open to the vulture’s message. A few weeks later, on two separate occasions, a falcon flew onto our balcony and perched on the railing. I looked up that meeting and it became clear it was a message for my husband about his job search.

I shared my messages with others. One day I told my coworkers about my experiences with the vulture and falcon. One of my coworkers came up to me later and shared that she had a pigeon visit her doorstep several times.  It would sit on her door step was not affraid of her, it would not fly away from her. It pooped all over her front stairs and she felt like it was trying to tell her something. We came to find that pigeons represented welcoming love into one’s life.   She was married once before and now divorced.  She wanted to find love but was afraid. She knew the pigeon was telling her to stop being afraid and let love into her life again.  A week later she told me she accepted a date from a guy in her work out class who had been asking her out for months.  He was from a different culture and much younger than her, she is Japanese and he is Mexican with a 15 year age difference .  She looked at all the reasons she shouldn’t go out with him, but after finding out about the pigeon’s symbolism, she decided to take a chance. Fast forward six months later and they were still together and madly in love.  She came to me again and told me her pigeon was visiting her door step again, but only when her boyfriend was over. And the other day it actually followed them to her car and sat on her trunk as they were driving away.  She asked me to interpret the pigeon’s message. I asked her instead, “what do you think the pigeon is trying to tell you?”.  She told me that she has not told her boyfriend her age.  She never thought that the relationship would last this long or that she would fall in love.   Keeping the secret was beginning to take a toll on her. It was clear to both of us what the pigeon was trying to tell her.  A few weeks later she finally summoned the courage to share her secret with her boyfriend.  The burden and weight was off her shoulders and the relationship was taken to a place of honesty. They are still together and just celebrated their one year anniversary.

After my visits from the vulture and falcon, I have had 6 more animal spirit guides come to me. Because I was open to their messages, and sharing my experience with others, it opened me up to more messages. Some of the animals came to me in dreams and some in person. When I was pregnant and refusing to “take it easy”, I had a dream about a female bear that was trying to tell me something with her eyes. I found the bear represents hibernation, gathering of strength and “taking it easy” for 3 months.  I had three months left of my pregnancy. After the dream I still didn’t slow down, and ended up on bed rest for a week. I should have listened to the bear’s message! I had a moose visit me in a dream to teach me to stand up for myself at work, a horse teach me to be more independent, and most recently a wolf came to me in a dream to teach me about striking a balance between independence and responsibility. In person I have had grass hoppers in my office and our new home with a message of prosperity and good luck.  And, when I recently became frustrated with wanting to change careers, Dragon flies started showing up in my life to teach me about patience and to give my self two years to achieve my goals.

The universe is full of messages and guidance. The messages can come in unexpected ways, and from an unexpected messenger. The next time you dream of an animal, or find yourself suddenly seeing the same animal throughout your day, it may just be trying to tell you something.  Take a chance and listen.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Poems for Sam

Rather swim with sharks on moonlit waves
And climb Mt. Everest with fingers thawed,
Outwit mama lions and papa bears
And rock climb for it all…

Than deal with this now,
Breathing up for air, drowning
Rebelling against it all,
Mourning, and so here we are

I don’t want it, not at all
No two steps back my dear
So standing still I seem to be
And the next move is lost at sea

Guilty I feel my friend
That cancer feels easier than this
Your journey blurred
By all of this bull shit!

Praise you
I have looked for a way to praise you.
Over many religions, many voices,
And my faith hides in the shadows.
If there were a time I needed guidance…
I look instead to my heart, and listen.

From the start it was special, you and I.
A walk from the past, a glimpse into the future.
Sunsets and magic, we understood it all.
Pain and joy, we always were too smart.

We knew each other before.
And we will again my friend.
You told me a secret when we met,
And when gloom came, you said sorry.

No one needs to know or understand.
And l look up at the sky and hear clearly,
The wind, and trees and the breeze that follows.
And we walk together dreaming again.

This is not for you
Because you are gone
And I am left alone
Too deep, too much
So thank you very much
For leaving me deeper
Than most hope to be
But after all, that is me

So I am left behind
To burrow in clean sheets
And hope no one notices
But that is my style after all
To shine above it all
So I light a candle, and pray
But maybe the best thing is
To remember it all
The sunset, the moonlight.

The wind is mad, whipping
But I still peak out
Seeing shadows,
Future uncertain,
The selfish host.
But All come to visit

Full Empty
I eat and eat
Infinite space
To fill up

Martinis, wine
Like water
Cup after cup

Not like me
filling emptiness,
naked soul

try and try
To fill it up,
 to feel whole.

You are gone
And I’m left
Half whole
And full empty

It’s Autumn, here
Sinatra sings
And martinis sipped
Debates debated, authors confronted
And apple pies swim
Leaves rustle outside, and

The movies
Horror feature
And we sit alone
Screams, laughs, just us
I smile now
Remembering, and

Wicker Park
The only picture
Of you, on the corner
That actor, everyone said
Special moment, and

The Opera
Or was it a play
You in a suit, I in a dress
Sipping Champagne
Glimpses and snickers
We laugh back, and

The woods
Walking, goodbyes
Confessions, confusion
Professed love, some ways
 Loved you too, still do

Fear, tears, day one
Hope, dreams, day two
Disappointment, angers day three
Depression, resentments, day four
Detachment, silence, you, day five
Shock, numbness, day six, and

All this takes over
You and me
What we had
And I hide, or refuse
To comfort others
It was just, you and me

It's an Island
It’s an Island, I see that now
Mysteries still mysteries
Did you see it all?
Running faster than any horse
Destiny after all, you knew
Dreaming, haze, I see you

It’s an Island, I see that now
Water washing and drowning
Place of nightmares and fears
Again I’m running, running fast
The thrill, the rush, the confidence

It’s an Island, I see that now
Sweet solitude, nature and soul
Breeze full of whispers, listen
Trees are singing in the night
Sliver moon brimming full

It’s an Island, I see that now
I’ll meet you there
On a bench in the park
We’ll dance in the rain
And be together again

It’s an Island, I see that now
Bottle washes up on shore
Did the words mean enough this time?
The angry sea tumbles forth
And I’m running again, determined

Monday, October 25, 2010

This time around...a poem

Don’t over think it, this time around
Girl you are strong, no matter what
World is your Oyster , and the pearl
Pick it up and blow, make that wish
If you want to hide, then hide
You’ve earned it most of all
Don’t find the answer, don’t try
Just float in the moment, in the now
Without solving anything, no why
The tears have dried, rejoice

And when ready, shine bright
Close the shutters and windows
The storm has passed, in your dreams
And as the bear hides, the wolf emerges
You know exactly what that means
No more sunsets and moonshine
Begin your day with sunrise and prayers
To come back to whole, it’s time
Start from within, from center
Beyond reason and mind, feel it real

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The mathematics of beauty

I have always been fascinated with beauty, both in objects and in people.  When I was studying Psychology in college I took a course on child development.   I was amazed to learn that babies will look longer on an adult face that is attractive, and mothers will pay more attention to a beautiful baby.  Without a doubt beauty is captivating and entrancing, mesmerizing the on looker.  One may of course argue that there is more to beauty than just physical features.  We have all known an attractive person who becomes less attractive when their looks become over shadowed by a mean personality, or vice-versa where a person became more attractive due to their personality. I think flaws can be beautiful, and look more attractive then the “perfect features” of too much plastic surgery.  And beauty can be so subjective based on preferences.  However, you may be surprised to know that there is an actual science to beauty. It is called the Golden Ration, and it’s based on a mathematical equation. The Golden Ratio equates to a formula that can be found in any object from the human face and body, to architecture, to nature. We are instinctively drawn to the Golden Ratio because it is soothing to the eyes.

You can measure your own face to find out how close you come to perfection.

You can measure your features at home with a measuring tape. Measure the length and width of your face, then divide the length by the width.  The ideal result as defined by the Golden Ratio will give you an outcome of around 1.6.
Next measure your face in three segments: hair line to the spot between the eyes, from between the eyes to the bottom of your nose, and from the bottom of your nose to the bottom of your chin.  If all of the numbers are equal the face is considered beautiful.
Lastly, the Golden Ratio defines a beautiful face if the length of the ear is the same length as the nose, and if the length of each eye is the same as the length between the eyes.

The Golden Ratio is a mathematic equation that represents symmetry that the human eye finds attractive and soothing, and appeals to our biological mechanism to finding a suitable mate with which to reproduce.  However, the human spirit is much more complex and cannot be measured with a scientific formula. A beautiful face might be nice to look at, but does not guarantee a happy and loving union.  It is ultimately the soul, ones true self, which shines brightly. And that is the most beautiful thing of all. 


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Give it to God!

Make it a habit to begin and end each day with a prayer (or mantra).  As you wake in the morning and your soul is still and quiet from a restful night, start with a prayer to head your day in the desired direction.  Prayer is like mediation as you focus quietly where you wish your day to go, what energies you want to put out into the universe, and what support you want to get through the day.  And as you rest your head on your pillow after a long day and prepare for sleep, end your day with a prayer.  Give thanks for your blessings, lament on what challenges or strides you overcame during the day and what else you need support with, and always make sure to pray for others both in your community as well as for those in need you do not know.  This puts your soul at ease as you give the blessings and stresses back to God.  "Give it to God" is one of my favorite expressions that my mother-in-law taught me.  It is such a simple statement, but is so full of meaning. One meaning is that your stress, fears and burdens are not your own and God will help you carry your load.  Another meaning is to live your life to God and accept that by giving your path to God you are following God's path.  Or simply, surrender your life to God.

When you pray, do not be afraid to ask God for what you want.  It is such a misconception that prayers have to be limited to giving thanks and being humble.  Make God your friend and your adviser.  TALK TO GOD, SHARE WITH GOD, VENT TO GOD, AND ASK FOR HELP WHEN Y0U NEED IT...that's what relationships are about. Have a relationship with God.

Say your prayers any where and any time. While doing chores, on your commute, in the shower.  You do not have to be in church or kneeling next to your bed  to communicate with God.  When I was a little girl I asked my mother "what if someone is sick or too old to kneel down next to their bed to say their prayers at night?" to which my mother replied "you can pray laying down in your bed".  That was such a memorable moment in my life for I realized you do not have to follow strict rules instilled by others, you can worship your own way and still communicate with God.  There is no one right religion, but a personal preference for how you choose to communicate with and about God.  I was brought up Roman Catholic, but I have also studied and followed Buddhism and the Native American religion of the Lakota Sioux Nation.  Religion is man made.  You can communicate with God in what ever way makes you comfortable, and God (or Goddess) will listen. 

I would like to share with you a few of my favorite prayers.   
Share the love, and post some of your favorite prayers or mantras.

Dear God.
As I rise up, I thank you for the opportunity to be on this earth.
I thank you for my mind and body.
I thank you for my life.
Please bless by body and use it for Your purposes.
May I rise up strong today, and my body and soul radiate Your love.
May all impurities be cast out of my mind, my heart, my body.
May every cell of my being be filled with Your light.
May my body and mind both be illuminated for Your sake and for the sake of the entire world.

Dear God,
Please take my past and take my future.
Transform them both through the miracle of
  Your power into energies of love and love only.
May I know the present as You would have me see it.
May I see only You in everyone and everything
That I may be dazzled by the light, lifted up by the light, given joy by the light and made new by the light
Release me from my past and deliver me to my future.
In you I trust; nothing else is real.
In you I have faith; nothing else has power.
And so it is that I am where I belong, and I shall strive for nothing.
I am at home; may I feel this and be at peace.
For I would rob myself no longer through my vain imaginings and tormented thoughts.
You are my life
You are here and now.

Dear God,
I surrender to YOU my strivings, I let go all needs to effort or to struggle;
I relax deeply into things exactly as they are,
And I accept life so that it may move through with grace.