Saturday, October 30, 2010

Money doesn't always buy you everything

We all know money does not buy one love, happiness or health. All that matters in this world is your family, their happiness, and their wellbeing. For your children, you want nothing but the best, and most moms will say it out right “I only want the best for my child”.  But in today’s mass media and money hungry society, that often seems to include a high price tag. And I have found this particularly true then when it comes to how much some people spend on stuff for their children. Even during a recession! Why does a child need designer anything when they grow out of it so fast? Why does a Halloween costume have to cost more than my outfit?  

Why so much stuff? A child does not care about stuff. They only want the love and attention of their parents. Stuff and money cannot love a child, or hold them, or kiss them.  Instead of giving your child the best money can buy, how about you buy a more humble version and donate the remainder to children in real need?
My son enjoys playing with a plastic cup as much as he does a fancy toy that sings and counts. It’s ok to have those, and I certainly want my son to have some toys. But do I need to buy 10 musical toys that all essentially do the same thing? To me, it sets a child up with an outlook from an early age that more is more and not less is more.  I am a mom, and I know first hand that sometimes it’s easy to feel like you have to buy your child all of the latest crazes.  However, to me all of the material excesses are unnecessary (and not very green).  Especially when there are so many impoverished children in the world who lack the basic necessities like food and water.

Totems and Animal Spirit Guides...hear their message

Native American’s believe we can learn a lot from our animal brothers and sisters, that each animal has its own powers and lessons to teach mankind. Totem animals are spiritual guides that walk with you throughout your life time, as your animal counterpart. However, there are also animal spirit guides that have a temporary lesson to teach you, and several different animals can visit you during different times in your life.


Have you always had a connection with an animal, ever since you were a child? When you go to the zoo, is there a particular animal you have to visit?  This animal may your Totem animal.  Totem animals walk with you on your journey in life, and help you find your destiny.   They often appear during your childhood and stay with you for your entire life.  The Totem is in essence your path in life, representing your strengths, weaknesses and challenges you are to face and overcome in your lifetime.  Spirit Guides, on the other hand are ever changing.  They appear temporarily during different times of your life to bring you a message or an answer.  If you are going through a transitional or difficult time in your life, the Spirit Animal will walk with you and bring to you their powers to use.  But once you have learned and applied their lesson, and overcome your obstacle, the spirit guide walks away.

In order to utilize the power and assistance of your Totem and Spirit guides, one must be open and aware. Their messages may come to you suddenly or subtly, and it will be up to you to interpret the message they are offering you. Once your guide knows that you are willing to listen to their lessons, more will follow and more often.  I’d like to share with you my experiences.  I would say my Totem animal is the horse. Ever since I was a little girl I have been in love with horses. There is a funny voice recording my parents took of me when I was about 5 or 6 years old when my grandmother was visiting us.  My grandmother asks me what I want to be or have when I grow up. To which I reply “I wish to have a horse and a cart to pull my horse in”. 

From an early age, I had a profound connection to horses. But I didn’t know anything about Totems or Spirit Guides. Thinking back now, as a child I encountered and dreamt about a lot of animals.  There was the time when I was about 8 years old when my family and I took a hiking trip.  As we were driving up the curvy road on the side of a mountain, we had to stop the car to let a mother and baby bear cross.  In junior high I fell in love with elephants and collected figurines and statues of them.  It wasn’t until I was in high school that I first learned about Totems and Spirit animals.  After watching the movie “Dances with Wolves” I became so enchanted with the Native American cultures and religions that I studied them as a hobby. For years my spirit guide was the turtle, teaching me to be strong and to be strong of heart during difficult times.

After I graduated from college and started working, my focus became more on success and material things, and I started to ignore my spiritual self and my connection to nature. That is when the Spirit guides stopped coming to me.  They didn’t return for over ten years, and only returned when I was open to their messages again. In 2008 I abruptly quit my job.  I was recently promoted and thought I had my dream job.  However, after a few months I became overwhelmed by a strong feeling to quit my job.  I knew it was not a good fit and had a strong sense that there was something better out there for me. My decision was certainly not a rational one; (the total opposite of me), but it was almost like I had no choice. I felt my higher self and God were guiding me.  While  I was unemployed,  I started to get back into the spiritual side of life.  I began and ended each day with a prayer. I put all of my faith, and my fears of the unknown future, into God’s hands.  And that is when a spirit guide appeared to me again.  I was sitting on my balcony talking on the phone with my friend, doubting if I had made the right decision to quit my job, when I noticed a large Vulture circling high over head. It was so aspiring and it took my breath away.   I researched the meaning of the Vulture spirit guide and was shocked at how closely its meaning and message fit into my current situation. I shared this with my husband and friends, becoming open to the vulture’s message. A few weeks later, on two separate occasions, a falcon flew onto our balcony and perched on the railing. I looked up that meeting and it became clear it was a message for my husband about his job search.

I shared my messages with others. One day I told my coworkers about my experiences with the vulture and falcon. One of my coworkers came up to me later and shared that she had a pigeon visit her doorstep several times.  It would sit on her door step was not affraid of her, it would not fly away from her. It pooped all over her front stairs and she felt like it was trying to tell her something. We came to find that pigeons represented welcoming love into one’s life.   She was married once before and now divorced.  She wanted to find love but was afraid. She knew the pigeon was telling her to stop being afraid and let love into her life again.  A week later she told me she accepted a date from a guy in her work out class who had been asking her out for months.  He was from a different culture and much younger than her, she is Japanese and he is Mexican with a 15 year age difference .  She looked at all the reasons she shouldn’t go out with him, but after finding out about the pigeon’s symbolism, she decided to take a chance. Fast forward six months later and they were still together and madly in love.  She came to me again and told me her pigeon was visiting her door step again, but only when her boyfriend was over. And the other day it actually followed them to her car and sat on her trunk as they were driving away.  She asked me to interpret the pigeon’s message. I asked her instead, “what do you think the pigeon is trying to tell you?”.  She told me that she has not told her boyfriend her age.  She never thought that the relationship would last this long or that she would fall in love.   Keeping the secret was beginning to take a toll on her. It was clear to both of us what the pigeon was trying to tell her.  A few weeks later she finally summoned the courage to share her secret with her boyfriend.  The burden and weight was off her shoulders and the relationship was taken to a place of honesty. They are still together and just celebrated their one year anniversary.

After my visits from the vulture and falcon, I have had 6 more animal spirit guides come to me. Because I was open to their messages, and sharing my experience with others, it opened me up to more messages. Some of the animals came to me in dreams and some in person. When I was pregnant and refusing to “take it easy”, I had a dream about a female bear that was trying to tell me something with her eyes. I found the bear represents hibernation, gathering of strength and “taking it easy” for 3 months.  I had three months left of my pregnancy. After the dream I still didn’t slow down, and ended up on bed rest for a week. I should have listened to the bear’s message! I had a moose visit me in a dream to teach me to stand up for myself at work, a horse teach me to be more independent, and most recently a wolf came to me in a dream to teach me about striking a balance between independence and responsibility. In person I have had grass hoppers in my office and our new home with a message of prosperity and good luck.  And, when I recently became frustrated with wanting to change careers, Dragon flies started showing up in my life to teach me about patience and to give my self two years to achieve my goals.

The universe is full of messages and guidance. The messages can come in unexpected ways, and from an unexpected messenger. The next time you dream of an animal, or find yourself suddenly seeing the same animal throughout your day, it may just be trying to tell you something.  Take a chance and listen.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Poems for Sam


Rather
Rather swim with sharks on moonlit waves
And climb Mt. Everest with fingers thawed,
Outwit mama lions and papa bears
And rock climb for it all…

Than deal with this now,
Breathing up for air, drowning
Rebelling against it all,
Mourning, and so here we are

I don’t want it, not at all
No two steps back my dear
So standing still I seem to be
And the next move is lost at sea

Guilty I feel my friend
That cancer feels easier than this
Your journey blurred
By all of this bull shit!

Praise you
I have looked for a way to praise you.
Over many religions, many voices,
And my faith hides in the shadows.
If there were a time I needed guidance…
I look instead to my heart, and listen.

From the start it was special, you and I.
A walk from the past, a glimpse into the future.
Sunsets and magic, we understood it all.
Pain and joy, we always were too smart.

We knew each other before.
And we will again my friend.
You told me a secret when we met,
And when gloom came, you said sorry.

No one needs to know or understand.
And l look up at the sky and hear clearly,
The wind, and trees and the breeze that follows.
And we walk together dreaming again.

Alone
This is not for you
Because you are gone
And I am left alone
Too deep, too much
So thank you very much
For leaving me deeper
Than most hope to be
But after all, that is me

So I am left behind
To burrow in clean sheets
And hope no one notices
But that is my style after all
To shine above it all
So I light a candle, and pray
But maybe the best thing is
To remember it all
The sunset, the moonlight.

The wind is mad, whipping
But I still peak out
Seeing shadows,
Future uncertain,
The selfish host.
But All come to visit

Full Empty
I eat and eat
Infinite space
To fill up

Martinis, wine
Like water
Cup after cup

Not like me
filling emptiness,
naked soul

try and try
To fill it up,
 to feel whole.

You are gone
And I’m left
Half whole
And full empty


Sitting
It’s Autumn, here
Sinatra sings
And martinis sipped
Debates debated, authors confronted
And apple pies swim
Leaves rustle outside, and

The movies
Horror feature
And we sit alone
Screams, laughs, just us
I smile now
Remembering, and

Wicker Park
The only picture
Of you, on the corner
That actor, everyone said
Special moment, and

The Opera
Or was it a play
You in a suit, I in a dress
Sipping Champagne
Glimpses and snickers
We laugh back, and

The woods
Walking, goodbyes
Confessions, confusion
Professed love, some ways
 Loved you too, still do
and,

Fear, tears, day one
Hope, dreams, day two
Disappointment, angers day three
Depression, resentments, day four
Detachment, silence, you, day five
Shock, numbness, day six, and

All this takes over
You and me
What we had
And I hide, or refuse
To comfort others
It was just, you and me

It's an Island
It’s an Island, I see that now
Mysteries still mysteries
Did you see it all?
Running faster than any horse
Destiny after all, you knew
Dreaming, haze, I see you

It’s an Island, I see that now
Water washing and drowning
Place of nightmares and fears
Again I’m running, running fast
The thrill, the rush, the confidence

It’s an Island, I see that now
Sweet solitude, nature and soul
Breeze full of whispers, listen
Trees are singing in the night
Sliver moon brimming full

It’s an Island, I see that now
I’ll meet you there
On a bench in the park
We’ll dance in the rain
And be together again

It’s an Island, I see that now
Bottle washes up on shore
Did the words mean enough this time?
The angry sea tumbles forth
And I’m running again, determined



Monday, October 25, 2010

This time around...a poem

Don’t over think it, this time around
Girl you are strong, no matter what
World is your Oyster , and the pearl
Pick it up and blow, make that wish
If you want to hide, then hide
You’ve earned it most of all
Don’t find the answer, don’t try
Just float in the moment, in the now
Without solving anything, no why
The tears have dried, rejoice

And when ready, shine bright
Close the shutters and windows
The storm has passed, in your dreams
And as the bear hides, the wolf emerges
You know exactly what that means
No more sunsets and moonshine
Begin your day with sunrise and prayers
To come back to whole, it’s time
Start from within, from center
Beyond reason and mind, feel it real

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The mathematics of beauty

I have always been fascinated with beauty, both in objects and in people.  When I was studying Psychology in college I took a course on child development.   I was amazed to learn that babies will look longer on an adult face that is attractive, and mothers will pay more attention to a beautiful baby.  Without a doubt beauty is captivating and entrancing, mesmerizing the on looker.  One may of course argue that there is more to beauty than just physical features.  We have all known an attractive person who becomes less attractive when their looks become over shadowed by a mean personality, or vice-versa where a person became more attractive due to their personality. I think flaws can be beautiful, and look more attractive then the “perfect features” of too much plastic surgery.  And beauty can be so subjective based on preferences.  However, you may be surprised to know that there is an actual science to beauty. It is called the Golden Ration, and it’s based on a mathematical equation. The Golden Ratio equates to a formula that can be found in any object from the human face and body, to architecture, to nature. We are instinctively drawn to the Golden Ratio because it is soothing to the eyes.

You can measure your own face to find out how close you come to perfection.



 
A.
You can measure your features at home with a measuring tape. Measure the length and width of your face, then divide the length by the width.  The ideal result as defined by the Golden Ratio will give you an outcome of around 1.6.
B.
Next measure your face in three segments: hair line to the spot between the eyes, from between the eyes to the bottom of your nose, and from the bottom of your nose to the bottom of your chin.  If all of the numbers are equal the face is considered beautiful.
C.
Lastly, the Golden Ratio defines a beautiful face if the length of the ear is the same length as the nose, and if the length of each eye is the same as the length between the eyes.

The Golden Ratio is a mathematic equation that represents symmetry that the human eye finds attractive and soothing, and appeals to our biological mechanism to finding a suitable mate with which to reproduce.  However, the human spirit is much more complex and cannot be measured with a scientific formula. A beautiful face might be nice to look at, but does not guarantee a happy and loving union.  It is ultimately the soul, ones true self, which shines brightly. And that is the most beautiful thing of all. 

 
 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Give it to God!

Make it a habit to begin and end each day with a prayer (or mantra).  As you wake in the morning and your soul is still and quiet from a restful night, start with a prayer to head your day in the desired direction.  Prayer is like mediation as you focus quietly where you wish your day to go, what energies you want to put out into the universe, and what support you want to get through the day.  And as you rest your head on your pillow after a long day and prepare for sleep, end your day with a prayer.  Give thanks for your blessings, lament on what challenges or strides you overcame during the day and what else you need support with, and always make sure to pray for others both in your community as well as for those in need you do not know.  This puts your soul at ease as you give the blessings and stresses back to God.  "Give it to God" is one of my favorite expressions that my mother-in-law taught me.  It is such a simple statement, but is so full of meaning. One meaning is that your stress, fears and burdens are not your own and God will help you carry your load.  Another meaning is to live your life to God and accept that by giving your path to God you are following God's path.  Or simply, surrender your life to God.

When you pray, do not be afraid to ask God for what you want.  It is such a misconception that prayers have to be limited to giving thanks and being humble.  Make God your friend and your adviser.  TALK TO GOD, SHARE WITH GOD, VENT TO GOD, AND ASK FOR HELP WHEN Y0U NEED IT...that's what relationships are about. Have a relationship with God.

Say your prayers any where and any time. While doing chores, on your commute, in the shower.  You do not have to be in church or kneeling next to your bed  to communicate with God.  When I was a little girl I asked my mother "what if someone is sick or too old to kneel down next to their bed to say their prayers at night?" to which my mother replied "you can pray laying down in your bed".  That was such a memorable moment in my life for I realized you do not have to follow strict rules instilled by others, you can worship your own way and still communicate with God.  There is no one right religion, but a personal preference for how you choose to communicate with and about God.  I was brought up Roman Catholic, but I have also studied and followed Buddhism and the Native American religion of the Lakota Sioux Nation.  Religion is man made.  You can communicate with God in what ever way makes you comfortable, and God (or Goddess) will listen. 

I would like to share with you a few of my favorite prayers.   
Share the love, and post some of your favorite prayers or mantras.

GRATITUDE FOR THE BODY
Dear God.
As I rise up, I thank you for the opportunity to be on this earth.
I thank you for my mind and body.
I thank you for my life.
Please bless by body and use it for Your purposes.
May I rise up strong today, and my body and soul radiate Your love.
May all impurities be cast out of my mind, my heart, my body.
May every cell of my being be filled with Your light.
May my body and mind both be illuminated for Your sake and for the sake of the entire world.
Amen

CLEARING OUT THE PAST
Dear God,
Please take my past and take my future.
Transform them both through the miracle of
  Your power into energies of love and love only.
May I know the present as You would have me see it.
May I see only You in everyone and everything
That I may be dazzled by the light, lifted up by the light, given joy by the light and made new by the light
Release me from my past and deliver me to my future.
In you I trust; nothing else is real.
In you I have faith; nothing else has power.
And so it is that I am where I belong, and I shall strive for nothing.
I am at home; may I feel this and be at peace.
For I would rob myself no longer through my vain imaginings and tormented thoughts.
You are my life
You are here and now.
Amen.

Dear God,
I surrender to YOU my strivings, I let go all needs to effort or to struggle;
I relax deeply into things exactly as they are,
And I accept life so that it may move through with grace.
Amen.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hair Today, Gone tomorrow



Hair can be the biggest style statement one can make. With a modern new haircut or color you can virtually transform and update your look. Take a girl wearing only a tank top, flip flops and jeans and her hair style, or lack of, can tell you volumes about her personal style. If you are to spend your money on anything, let it be your hair! It’s that important to your image. Let’s again use our style icons Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn; they are just as famous for their hairstyles (think Jackie’s bob and Audrey’s bangs) as they are for their wardrobes.  Without the right hairstyle to compliment your style of dress, your look will appear disconnected.  By being in tune with your True Self you can confidently select a style that feels natural for you. You can select a signature style that is timeless and reflects your style, or have fun and change your hair with the trends. However beware of holding on to a dated look or thinking you have to follow every trend.  When everyone was wearing the “Friend’s” haircut I was not, for trends don’t always look good on everyone. Beware of selecting a style that may convey the wrong message about who you are. For example, during college I worked with a girl who is now one of my best friends. When I first met her she had shoulder length dark hair with a mini bang. This type of hair style was very popular with gothic girls (I actually had a gothic friend with the exact hairstyle, and I actually asked her if they knew each other). As I got to know her better I was shocked to learn that her style was in fact totally different.  She was not Gothic at all and  considered herself modern, even classic. Her hairstyle was not in balance with her style, or her True Self. And I told her so. Not all hairstyles are so particular as to reflect an entire genre, but beware that some do. Here is another example, I am a natural blonde. However, for years I colored my hair dark brown. I bought into the stereotype that blondes are considered dumb and wanted my looks to match my IQ.  One day I was selecting a birthday card for a friend and chose a card with an image of two friends on the cover, one a blonde and the other a brunette. When I presented the card to my friend she asked me if I was the blonde and she the brunette on the card. Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking when I saw the card. The funny thing is my hair was dyed dark brown at the time, and her naturally dark hair was light with blonde highlights. Regardless of our hair colors at the time, I saw our True Selves in the card. Currently, we both have gone back to our roots.

All woman have an emotional connection to their hair.  Anytime a woman goes through a life change, she is also likely to cut or color her hair.  After a divorce, graduating college, starting a new career, moving to a new city, after having a baby. These are all milestones that evolve one's life and spirit, and we often want to reflect that or manifest it physically on the outside.  After I had my baby I had an uncontrollable urge to cut off my hair. I could not understand why since I liked my hair the way it was and had become by signature look for three years which is when I moved to a new city.  I suppressed the urge, but the feeling kept building until I hated to look at myself in the mirror. I felt the new me that had evolved with the amazing experience of becoming a mother and the image I saw in the mirror did not match how I felt about myself. Or perhaps I wanted to shed the old me and start fresh as my life had.  I finally cut my hair and love it, it was like I was reborn. Some of my coworkers were shocked, stating they too have always wanted to cut their hair but were too afraid.  Others also cut their hair after I did and told me they were too were ready for a change and were inspired to go for it.  Some women think of their hair is their safety net, or a constant of sameness in an ever changing world. While others embrace change and want to reflect or show that change by changing their hair.  
If you like your hair and feel it’s you, great you have found your signature look! However, if you are ready for change and want to cut your hair then take the chance! Why not? You might just love what you see..and how you will feel.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Venus Retrograde: Could be a hairy situation!

HOLD OFF ON ALL MAKEOVERS!
Venus is retrograde October 8-November 18.  Venus is the planet of beauty, and when a planet is retrograde it's powers are weak.  Therefore, you should not make any drastic changes to your appearance, such as changing your hair color or getting plastic surgery.  This does not mean that you should avoid any normal maintenance such as a trim.  However, if you are in the mood to try some highlights, or change your shade all together, you would be best to wait until November 19-22. I have already rescheduled my hair appointment! Here are some examples of some of the unexpected results when making a change to hair color during a Venus retrograde:  I just received a text from a distraught friend who's highlights did not turn out as she had thought .  Last year my coworker turned her hair canary yellow instead of her usual platinum shade.  And two years ago, I decided to go blonder and ended up with orange hair.  Venus is the planet that beautifies everything it touches,  and this also includes your home.   Hold off purchasing any decorative items for your home such as a rug or new curtains until November 19.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

True Self Style

So you have reacquainted yourself with your true self.  You took the time to learn about your horoscope and numerology charts and maybe even took personality tests like Myers Briggs and DiSC. You have practiced putting your Ego in check and made a valid effort to not take other peoples' criticism personally.  Now you can take this to the next level by learning about your true self style.  You may remember High School; there were the Goths, the Skaters, the Jocks, the Nerds, the Hippies, etc.  They were cliques of individuals who expressed themselves through specific clothes, hair styles, and music.  It was clear and in your face, “I am Goth”.  High School is the first time many of us first started self discovery, and that included our personal style.  We used fashion as a way to express our selves and communicate to the world who we were or what we believed in (at the time).  We identified what we liked and disliked, or what we should like or dislike, by the group we wanted to be or were apart of.  Although our style has evolved, our sense of "dressing the part" first developed and we took it with us into adulthood.  You don’t have to be a fashion diva to have a sense of style.  Even those who claim to have no interest in fashion or a sense of style still have a style that others can identify as theirs and friends and family can identify as “so you”.  By becoming conscious of your sense of style, color preferences, likes and dislikes will make it easier for you to make choices. From your wardrobe, decorating your home and planning your wedding, to buying a car or selecting a hair cut, you’ll make choices easily and painlessly, without being overwhelmed by all of the choices.

Once you find your true self; love it, respect it and appreciate it!  Whether you are selecting clothes, hairstyles, cosmetics, or home decor, make these selections based on your True Self.  Now of course the features you were born with such as your body type, face shape, and hair type will play a part in what shapes will be most flattering.  However, style is a totally different factor.  Style is personal and should be a reflection of your True Self. Therefore, when you are in tune with your true self you can make selections quickly and effortlessly, to get maximum results with minimum effort


Fashion

Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O have been sited many times as the timeless fashion icons.  Decades after their passing, people are still influenced by their sense of style.  Why is that?  Both had styles that were seemingly simple, especially when compared to some more extravagant celebrities. Capri leggings and ballet flats for Audrey, trench coat and big sunglasses for Jackie; nothing complicated about that.  The trick to their lasting appeal is that both women were true to their personal style.  They also kept it simple.  They stuck with simple classic pieces that worked with they’re personal sense of style and complimented their body type.   Their confidence in their true selves were expressed in their clothes.  They did not chase fads and trends, or try to look like someone else. But instead set trends through their quiet confidence and determination to remain true to self, and in turn they inspired the world.  

Imagine how easy it will be for you to get dressed every morning when you have a closet filled with simple classics that look fantastic on you, that can easily be mixed and matched, and accessorized for a little punch.   
This is not to say you are to become Audrey Hepburn. It means you are to begin dressing like your true self. You might love exotic prints and bright colors. Then that is what you should wear. However, well fitting and tailored clothes are a must. No matter your size or shape, the clothes must compliment your figure. Everyone has features they love, and those they want to hide. Choose clothing that highlights your best and minimize those areas you want to.  Figure out which of the four body type you are: banana, pear, apple or hourglass. The Internet and bookstores are filled with references and suggestions on how to dress for your body type. Do the research and you will find shopping so much easier. For example, empire waist has been popular in fashion for the past few years. This is when the cut of the garment has a seam under the breasts and flares out on the bottom. However, no matter how trendy the style, my hour glass shape looked pregnant or shapeless in umpire wasted tops.  The cut completely hid my best feature (small waist) and accentuated my fuller hips, thus making my entire torso appear the width of my hips. Body hugging tops or wrap dresses look the best on me. Pair the knowledge of your body type with your personal style, and you will be able to build a wardrobe that makes you look and feel your best.  Boho style was popular suddenly everyone was a hippie rocker from the 60’s, with head band to boot.  It is fine to wear a trend, but limit it to one or two pieces only.  It can be fun to be a little trendy. But if you transform yourself into Janis Joplin, you’ll look like you’re wearing a Halloween costume and will most definitely not look or feel like your true self. 



Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Part 2: Everyone's got one

Everyone has an opinion and many love to share their unsolicited opinion, especially on the subject of someone else's life or choices.  And if things are going exceptionally well for you,  you just got promoted, came into money, purchased something extravagant, there will be someone only a stones throw away that will criticize you for it.  And usually it’s those closest to you.  I had a best friend growing up who relentlessly competed with me about everything. And if she couldn’t match me, she would try to knock my choices down.  And this was my best friend! Another example is when my husband and I decided to move away to another city.  We had talked about it for a couple of years and one day we just made it happen.  Everyone was shocked we were actually doing it. And the responses we received were interesting indeed.  Most questioned why we were moving there.  As if we had to convince them or prove the move justifiable, to them.  Few said to us, “Good for you! Congrats and you seem really happy”.  My best friend Sam was relentless with questions and judgments, like I was moving to the worst place in the universe.  I was hurt and upset he wasn’t as happy for me as I was.  That he should be proud of me for finally doing it!  On our last day together before my move he made a comment “You will make new friends and start a new life”.   That’s when I realized he was afraid of loosing me.  And I knew I would miss him dearly too.  But I immediately felt a sense of comfort from my true self that even though it was painful and scary,  I was making the right decision and could not please or convince everyone else.  Nor should I! 

This isn’t to say everyone you know is jealous and self-serving, and is not happy for you or wants the best for you.  It’s their Ego.  It’s as if they become possessed and all they can do is compare your choices to their own, and the Ego works overtime to compensate. However, those who are in touch with their higher self will be happy for you, because other people's successes are not considered a threat.  You too may have found yourself on the other end.  I admit I have.  When my husband was laid off and money was tight, I was pregnant and my life consisted of work and home, I heard about how a couple we knew were constantly traveling the world.  One of them was laid off, but somehow they were living a jet setter’s life.  My ego took over and I criticized and judged, “That’s stupid, they should be saving money if she’s not working” “How in the world can they afford it?” “They must be living off credit cards and their debt will soon destroy them!” Yes, I was jealous!  I admit it.  But this is what happens when other people’s choices or seeming good fortune threatens your Ego.  

The Ego is defined as “The False Center”.  When a baby is born it does not posses a sense of self yet, instead focusing on and becoming aware of the outside, the other.  As the child develops it becomes aware of self through how he or she is perceived from the outside and others such as the parents. This awareness is a reflected awareness, as it is reflected from outside of self.  And with nurturing, love and reinforcement the child develops a reflected center, a center created outside of self.  It is a false self created as a social by-product.  The false self can be manipulated or changed by society.  However, the true self cannot.  To live in the Ego is to live a life that will always be out balance.  The Ego is always hungry for attention, affection, and praise and to tell “my story” or play the victim. It is not authentic or spiritual.  It is a false friend that does not have your best interest in mind, but it’s own.  The true self in contrast is something that is always inside you. It is the spiritual self, the soul.  It holds all of the teachings of your past life experiences, and possesses the path of your current life’s purpose.  But on a simpler level, it is the self outside of the Ego.

To be true to your higher self is to not get involved in such thinking.  Instead, focus on what you do have, but not in a way that competes with others.  For example the statement “Well I am blessed with my pregnancy and a great job and am very happy with my life, so good for them if all they have is travel to make them happy”.  That is still ruled by the Ego, because you are comparing your choices with those of others.  To think or act from a place of the true self would sound more like this “I am so happy for them, they must be having a blast.  I would like to travel too but have decided that the time is not right for me now, and I will know when the time is right and act on it then”.  When you tap into your true self you are then thinking from a place of destiny and accept where you are in your life, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, regardless of where others are in their lives. This is also true when considering other’s judgments about your choices, and having confidence that you are making the best choice for you.  



Finding your True Self, Part 1: Kicking some Astro.


What if you could live your life in a spiritual, Zen, passionate, elegant and simple way? What if you could do things, make choices and create an identity that was truly unique, truly yours? Everything from planning a party and decorating your home, to getting married and creating the lifestyle you want could be done with minimal effort and maximum results?  So often in life we over-complicate choices. We worry about what others think and who would approve or disapprove. We let stress and worry take over the moments in our lives that we should be appreciating and enjoying fully, such as getting married or having a baby.  These events in our lives are so overshadowed by the opinions of others, or trying to please others, that we forget about ourselves.   By discovering your spiritual self you can live a life pursuing your joys, and taking focus away from the stresses.

“To change your life on the outside, you must first change the inside”.  How often have we heard this?  There are millions of self help books out there telling you how to change.  Often times all this does is make you feel empty by reflecting back an image that you are lost, or your life is not on track.  Maybe that is true in some situations and a complete over haul is needed.  If you are addicted to drugs or alcohol to escape problems and self loathing, then you certainly need to start from the inside.  However, if you are not tapping into your true self you are putting your body, mind and life out of balance.  It is when we deny who we really are, or what we really want, that we breed resentment or feel lost.  So “who am I?” you may be asking right about now.  “How do I find out who my true self really is?” “I have been me for my entire life, how can I not know who I am?” The answer is simple: you already do know who you are.  During those quiet times when you are away from the rest of the world, when you are alone with your thoughts, when you let down your guard and outside influences, and you allow yourself to be yourself.  That is when you are your true self.  And you can feel it too.  It’s like welcoming an old familiar friend you haven’t seen for a while, around whom everything feels simple, effortless and familiar.  This is not to be mistaken with the voice in your head.  The voice in your head is the ego, going over the events of the day and finding ways to play the victim.  Your true self comes out when you quiet the voice and surrender to the present moment, that the old friend, the real you, comes out.  

The difficult part is tapping into that true self when you are not alone.  When you have to make difficult decisions, or face difficult situations.  When you are under stress, or pressure, suddenly the old friend is no where to be found.  You don’t know what to do or how to decide.  You put too much weight on the opinions of others and find yourself in a manic state.  You may suffer from insomnia and panic attacks.  Fear takes over and you freak out!  You eat too much, drink too much.  You self criticize your body, your clothes your home. You feel lost and alone and don’t know what to do.  And I’m not even describing a trauma in your life such as a death, or some other great loss.  I could be describing a seemingly pleasant situation such as planning a dinner party or planning your wedding.  When we don’t know how to tap into our true selves and make decisions from our inner core of what is right for us, even the simplest decisions can become difficult and over whelming.  However, once you get to know yourself and trust to make decision from your inner self, life becomes much easier and less complicated.  You can quickly identify what is right and not right from you. And instead of being trapped in the mundane decisions, you can make them quickly and focus on the important things in your life.

However, knowing yourself takes time and dedication.  Your true self may have been hidden for years.  The ego or a reflection of society may have taken its place.  You may need to rediscover, to pull it off the top self and dust it off.   As the first step to self discovery, I recommend taking personality quizzes and learning about your astrology and numerology charts.  There are so many free and easy to use resources on the internet.  Start first with your astrology signs.  Most people know what their Sun sign is. Your Sun sign is based on your birth date.  However, do you know what your Moon and Rising sign is?  There is so much more to astrology than just your daily horoscope. Go on the internet and do a search for "free natal chart".  There are numerous websites available where you just plug in your information and get a free natal chart report. After you have researched and learned about your astrology natal chart,  do the same for your numerology by learning about your numerology chart.  In addition to personality traits, Astrology and Numerology also provides insight into your destiny and life path.  Another great resource for insight on your personality are personality test. Two popular personality tests are the Briggs Meyers and DiSC tests. Many corporations use these to teach their employees how to work with other personalities and work styles.

  It does not take a lot of time or energy to look up your horoscope or take a personality test on line. But the process and outcome can be very rewarding.  You are taking the time to focus on yourself, to learn about yourself.  Even reading your daily horoscope can set the tone for your day so that you are walking in self awareness.  You may also find that you hate astrology and don’t agree with any of it.  Well, at the very least you have discovered that about yourself.

                                      


What it's about

The reason I put together this blog is to inspire you to inspire yourself, to live the life you want, to have the courage to be your true self, to not care what others think, to buckle up for this crazy journey that is life and put yourself in the driver’s seat.  I don’t like the term “Self Help", for I always feel like I’m being pitched something, sold something, influenced. And though it may “inspire” me for a moment, the moment is fleeing.  In American society it’s all about the quick results, the gimmick, the sure fire solution…if you only stop eating bread you will be beautiful, loved and your life will no longer suck. But what happens the minute you are hungry or stressed or alone, you find yourself stuffing your face with a loaf of bread. And you give up, feeling crummy about yourself and your life sucks again.  In self development there is no such thing as a quick fix scheme.  It is a journey, an adventure and that involves patience mixed with intuition and bold action.  It is not 1+2=3. It’s organic, spiritual. It can be 3-2=1…everyone’s journey is different and so are the results. Instead of Self Help how about Self Love. Self Help makes me think of alcoholic’s anonymous meetings, or a guide to fishing, or learning how to dance.  This blog is not about Self Help, it is not about me convincing you or influencing you to think like me. This blog is about me sharing my observations, my philosophies and my poems and hopefully inspiring you to inspire others.  Share the love.