Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ocean in my ear

I just don’t know what to do.  I know what I’d like to do-take time off from working and focus on home, baby, and self.  To then re-emerge renewed, spiritually in tune and ready for the next (much bigger) step.  What do you do when you can’t?  When leaving your job is not an option for financial reasons?  When the love is gone at work and your higher self feels trapped and depressed?  In a time of record high unemployment rates, I feel guilty.  Am I selfish, irrational? Unrealistic to want to walk away from a “good job” and want to be at home, with my baby, and focus on my spiritual evolution, to become a writer?  My reason, my mind, will tell me yes! But my heart tells me no.  

I have suffered from three ear infections this year, ever since I gave birth to my baby.  My doctor is stumped. I have never had an ear infection prior.  My baby has not had any. I recently came across information about Chakras, how their imbalance has a spiritual, emotional and even physical impact on a person. I came across a book on my bookshelf at home that was given to me 11 years ago by someone I used to counsel with at a summer camp. I have never read the book prior and forgot I even had it. It is about Chakras and how their imbalance can cause physical illnesses and diseases. My research led me to realize my 5th chakra is being blocked, and the imbalance is causing my ear infections.  The 5th chakra represents communication of self and your truth, and expressing one’s creativity; and affects the head, throat, ears and nose. I have done a lot of soul searching, which has brought me to writing. Through my writing I wish to inspire others, to help others heal, to help myself heal.  I have begun doing this, to live in balance with my 5th chakra, but my ear infections continue (I have one as I write this). I hear a swishing sound in my ear, like the sound of the ocean in a shell. Water represents emotions and I am affraid of the ocean. What is being whispered in my ear, what am I not hearing, not doing? What am I missing?

I also recently learned about the North and South Nodes in astrology.  The South Node represents the past and the skills acquired from ones past lives. The North Node represents the future, the destiny in this life time.  The North and South Nodes are always in opposite signs from each other. My South Node is in Taurus, the sign of stability, sacrifice and material foundation; and exactly how I have been living my life thus far.  My North Node is in Scorpio, the sign of the spiritual investigator, to investigate the depths of their emotions and how to use them as a means for self-healing and helping others. WOW! It’s crazy how everything connects.

I started my journey a few years ago when I began to suffer from panic attacks and fear of swallowing (5th Chakra blocked). I took steps...moved cross country, changed jobs, then quit what I thought to be a dream job that was making me miserable, and the panic attacks went away . I was finally heading in the right direction. I spent three months tapping back into my higher self, prayed everyday, was visited by totems and focused on the spiritual aspects of life. When I was ready for my next path, the universe delivered by giving me a better opportunity. And I am grateful. I have learned a lot about myself.  And now I am looking for my next path. But, I feel lost. So I give my trust and future to God and have faith I am where I belong, and will get to where I'm destined to go. Sometimes we need to take a step backwards before we can take a step forward.

1 comment:

hollymarie7 said...

Hi Sabina!
I can completely relate to your feeling "selfish" about wanting an emotionally fulfilling career. I have spent my life taking "stable" jobs, but then I'm miserable. I am currently employed as an Admin. Asst. in local gov't and get barraged by the message, "you should feel lucky you have a job!" I DO feel fortunate, but I've finally gotten the courage to believe that my creative endeavors will monetarily support me. I am a writer too. Check out my blog if you have time.
Love your references to Meyers-Briggs, astrology and chakras!!
I look forward to your future posts.
Love and Peace,
Holly