Thursday, December 29, 2011

Take a leap of faith, to land on your feet.

As my birthday approaches tomorrow and 2011 draws to an end, I reflect back on how incredibly challenging this year has been. At times I felt I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I felt I had lost myself, my purpose and my mind. However, it was also the best year of my life due to the lessons it taught me. Such as to have the confidence in myself and trust that my instincts and heart are always right on, even when logic apposes them.

My main challenge was my job. After I had my son I was miserable spending so much time away from him. In addition, I felt it was not my life's work, and a toxic environment all around.  This ultimately started to affect my mental and physical health. However, I felt stuck. Maybe because I had a "good job" during a recession, or the fear of starting a new job when I was already so fatigued and burnt out, or maybe because I didn't want to be a quitter.  For the entire year I went through this challenge, weighing the pros and cons, going back and forth between heart and mind.

As challenging as this year was, it was an extremely rewarding time in terms of personal growth.  I was forced to look inward for answers.  I spent a lot of time researching myself with astrology, numerology and self-reflection. I turned to spirituality and God more than ever before. I knew what I wanted, which was to spend more time with my son. But I was afraid of the financial strain quitting my job would put on my family.  I wanted to be a Mama Bear,  and even wrote poems about it.  I started seeing signs of Mama Bears with a cub everywhere I looked. Mid year my husband and I decided for me to leave my job, but I should wait and finish off the year in order to get my annual bonus. My hope was to leave prior to the holidays but decided to tough it out until the end of the year. I felt good that I could balance my own needs with the financial responsibility of my family.

One day in July, while at work, I decided to reach out to HR to find out about the bonus plan.  I learned that in order to receive my bonus I would have to be employed with the company through March of the following year. It was too much to handle. I am not sure why since I have gone through more difficult challenges in my life. I believe it was because I had spent so much energy fighting against my heart that I was simply exhausted. To top it off I was being offered a promotion opportunity within the company.  I felt so overwhelmed with what I should do. I took a break to write a poem* (and included an image that inspired me of a mama and baby bear)about my feelings and then took a walk.  I prayed to God to give me an answer, should I stay or should I go?  A few minutes later I headed back to the office as I came across a stuffed Mama Bear with cub* in a store window.  It was my sign!  It was time to move on.  However I was still afraid to take the leap.  A couple of months later I couldn't take the stress anymore and took a leave of absence to think things through. During my time off the signs of Mama and cub bear kept coming, such as coming across a bus with their image painted on the side*. During my leave I was also able to take the time to rediscovered my passion for psychology and decided to return to school to obtain a Masters degree. Two weeks ago I finally resigned. This week I have received two amazing employment opportunities to decide between, that are in balance with my passions as well as allowing me the time I want with my family.

When we are faced with challenges, or forks in the road, we have to listen to our heart.  We need to make bold moves in order to make the necessary changes in our lives.  Fear will always hold us back from progress.  But when you take a leap of faith, a leap made using the heart and soul, you will always land on your feet.  And when you feel you are lost,  just ask for a sign...they will come.


* References

Friday, July 29, 2011


Just a mother's wish...a poem

Swimming in quicksand
Why is this so damn hard
Used to have the answers
These days vision so muddy
Want it so bad, maybe why
The universe is testing fate
Patience a virtue I pray for

Always seen eye to eye
Now bulls staring strong
Life changes with new life
Both wanting the best for him
But I feel lost in the shuffle
Mama bear ready to hibernate
Tired of all the hunting

Am I selfish to want this
Should I sacrifice my soul
To get through another day
Deadlines winning the race
How can I keep running
Just a mother’s wish,
To be home with her baby
 



                                  
                                         Stuffed Mama Bear and cub in store window:

 


The side of a bus:
                                                           

                                                           ...the signs were everywhere!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

But today...a poem

Sometimes pain
Feels easier
Such loss
Many angels
Watching me
Inspiring art

But today
Maybe tomorrow
Happiness wins
Such blessings
Of love
And dreams

Bitter sweet
Is life
Valleys low
Mountains high
To adjust
Takes time

Tried shallow
Fought depth
Even I
Don't understand
Only faith
Paves roads

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Thought of you today...a poem

Thought of you today
Did you hear my voice
Shed tears for your today
Did you feel my pain
Spoke of you today
Did you know that too

Don't get upset with me
Been strong and spirited
But today I just wished
To speak to you this time
Mentioned you somehow
And said it's OK once again

So I dream of bears and fox
And forget the day I heard
And even worst, the day I knew
Such bullshit, all of it
God I fucking loved you
And...here I am missing you

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Mountains and Oceans...a poem

You are mountains and oceans
Highs and lows, climbing
Depths too low,  to find
Optimism sleeps this time
Not sure how you feel, if at all
Only dreams between us
One sided certainly this time
Closing eyes I feel you
Waking sees logic and reality
And even in fields of flowers
Feel power too strong
My heart breaks in half
Tears cannot even come
From this agony I feel
Not fair at all, perhaps delusion
That I could love you so much

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Reach out your hand sister...a poem

Some can't handle fire
Flame burning too bright
With insecurity and fear
Willed to stomp out light

Women against women
Goddesses into warriors
Sisterhood lost once more
Especially in early years

Holding down talent with
Masculine strength and might
Instead of embracing others
Only seeking defense and fight

Reach out your hand sister
We can help each other
Instead of always fighting
Against one another

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Finally wakes....a poem

Blinds open against dusty windows
Light creeps in slowly, unsure
Breezes follow blowing behind
Sheets flap then fall softly down
Against smoothing hands patting
And fluffing things into place
Collection of empty glasses taken
Waters run freely from the shower
Towels folded clean and soft, ready
Steps thump against eager stairs
House yawns and stretches awake
Mistress finally wakes again

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Life... a poem

Life is a journey
we all travel together
brother and sister
hand in hand always
you are never alone
trust in this always
even when faced with
what seems unbearable
love is always with you
wipe your tears and smile
you are special and loved
loved ones never leave
visiting when eyes close

Monday, October 17, 2011

flight...a poem

Hymns heard in winds
Drifting thoughts and hair
Maps in stars not read
Somehow became lost
Feet dragging soul along
With ghosts trailing behind
Are they seen in windows
As she walks by alone
Is a hand on her shoulder
Her beauty, her charm
Envelopes like incense
With palms over cheeks
She dares to cry at last
So strong for too long
Shoulders hunched over
Like mountains behind
She loves tigers and bears
But wishes for wings
Souring with eyes closed
Against sun and sky
She finally takes flight



Monday, October 10, 2011

Waters clear blue...a poem

I dreamt of you last night
I was swimming calmly
In awe of a paradise
So happy to spot you
But you swam away
Rejecting my efforts and kisses
Heart-broken as tears ran into
waters clear blue

But it was not all bad
For the waters were gentle
Not cold waves of dreams past
This time I was not afraid
Sitting on a dock singing
Quietly favorite Sade songs
Floating carelessly in
waters clear blue

Looking up at the sun
Filling my soul with calm
No more fears drowning
From troubled waves chasing
Just floating weightlessly
Lifted from anxiety and pain
In awe of light shining through
waters clear blue

Stay You...a poem

Stay strong my sister
When life smothers you
And problems bury your light
All happens for a reason
You may not yet understand

Stay patient my brother
When your feet are stuck
 And choices feel out of reach
 Live in the present moment
 The future will come soon enough.

Stay true my mother
When others tarnish you
And worries block your voice
Keep on your own path
And you will get where you're going

Stay grateful my friend
When nothing seems to work out right
And fear blocks your inner joy
Cherish each precious moment
For this too shall pass

Stay yourself you
When changing seems the only way
To make life easier for others
Let your soul shine brightly
And no one will put out your light.




Waking...a poem

Pain felt so real
Anguish leaving prints
On gentler souls
Fear shaking through
tired skin and bones
Forced to go on
toward collapse and death
Change an elusive fox
walking in quicksand
Choice not an option
in the real world.

Breaking point reached
body refusing to go on
With sleep's every sigh
soul slowly recharges
Eyes open to see clearly
true-self glowing bright
Courage replaces fear
filled with love
Soul wakes gently
back to life
in the real world.

Summer love

Drops making ripples
from still waters
Thunder shaking branches
from still poses
Lightening waking skies
from still dreams

Sun shining light
from still clouds
Wind singing songs
from still mouths
Trees sighing joy
from still leaves

Grass sitting gently
from still bodies
Breezes swaying softly
from still hair
Flowers seizing kisses
from still lips

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sometimes...A poem

Sometimes journeys
Have no destination
Just floating along
Like an arrow lost

Sometimes tears
Have no purpose
Just flowing along
Like a river flooded

Sometimes fears
Have no reality
Just catching along
Like a spider's web

Sometimes thoughts
Have no meaning
Just standing still
Like trees growing

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Here I am...a poem

Here I am, walking thru long grass
Bending and bowing under foot
The moon peaks out for a cameo
Smiling ginger light on my cheek
And as she hides behind clouds, I cry

Here I am, after all I've been through
Loved for heart and soul, for it all
The sun shines for a moment
Caressing gentle light on my arms
And as she hides behind clouds, I cry

Here I am, thinking too much again
About the future, the past
The wind dances around me
Whispering quietly in my ear
And as she hides behind clouds, I cry

Here I am, waves over my shoulder
Washing away, what I truly want
The ocean torments me
And I run away, far and farther
And as she hides behind clouds, I cry

Here I am, a womb for the world
Mother Bear pacing relentlessly
Praying to the stars
And I can't embrace it all
And as she hides behind clouds, I cry

Piano notes...a poem

Piano notes, dancing keys
Ocean at night, floating
Alone, with the moon
Waves lull gently
Back and forth, back and

Waves cut into me
Open to the moon
Arms swimming in a cross
Eyes closed to the rhythm
Back and forth, back and

Sharks circle round
Smell the blood in you
Or am I there, all alone
Forests look to see
Back and forth, back and

Light dims the face
Ocean at night
Terror in depth
Open your eyes and see
Back and forth, back and

Light from below
Dances with music
Look, keep looking
Past the blur, past the salt
Back and forth, back and

Night is not the enemy
Of it all, and I
Float defeated, determined
Out to sea...
Back and forth, back and

Vampire...a poem

Yearning
Just beyond grasp
Darkness lies
Tree top moon
Floating forest
She appears
Snow dances
Dress sweeps
Silent air
Beautiful face
Hair envelopes
Warm kiss
Screams swim
Powder footprints
Blow away

Friday, September 2, 2011

Living out of our comfort zone, lessons from a spider

I dreamt of a black spider last night, with long elegant legs. I put her in a small jar and watched her as a fly flew over and she caught it and ate it. This fascinated me somehow and I watched as she weaved her web around her pray. A moment later her long legs reached over the edge of the glass as she made her way out of her confinement. I panicked. What if she gets lost? What if she gets hurt? What if she is poisonous and harms someone? I cared for this spider and wanted to protect her. I made her a new home, a taller jar she could not climb out of. With love I placed a small container of water so she could be nourished, and kept the lid open so she can catch her food if a fly was to pass.  When her new home was ready I searched for my spider and could not find her. She was loose and I panicked that she was gone, and scared that I could no longer protect her as she set out into the big and dangerous world.
  After waking I looked up the meaning of the spider as a totem to see what message spider was bringing me. Spider totem means the following: Spider is the weaver connecting the knowledge of the past with the possibilities of the future.  Spider cautions us not to get locked into the illusion that has made you what you think you are.  We are locked into that illusion because it has become our "comfort zone", and it is our fears of the unknown and untested which keep us in that zone. It is far easier to live in the hell we know, than to stick our mental and emotional toes out into the world and chance discovering that there is another way which may be better for us.  Spider is telling us that the possibilities for each of us is only limited by our own view of ourselves. Notice that the web constantly grows, outward, still connected to that small center space. It is always reaching, always expanding, never satisfied with the status quo. When something of value get caught in the web, it is taken back to that small center and utilized; never wasted. It may be stored for later use, but it is never wasted.  The next time you come upon spider weaving its web, stop to really look. Notice the beauty and symmetry and balance; the careful and intricate design. Spider is telling you to have the courage to reach out and create your own tomorrows; to break out of the illusion that has you locked in a time-step, and discover who and what you truly are.

  After learning about the Spider totem, it is easy to interpret my dream. I am both the spider as well as the one who is trying to confide the spider to protect it from harm. But the spider totem teaches a valuable lesson, to put fear aside that may be keeping you back from taking chances and making changes in your life. By creating a safe little haven fulfills our necessities and makes us feel secure, we are still living in a way that keeps us from living a life that our full potential.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Just a mother's wish...a poem

Swimming in quicksand
Why is this so damn hard
Used to have the answers
These days vision so muddy
Want it so bad, maybe why
The universe is testing fate
Patience a virtue I pray for

Always seen eye to eye
Now bulls starring strong
Life changes with new life
Both wanting the best for him
But I feel lost in the shuffle
Mama bear ready to hibernate
Tired of all the hunting

Am I selfish to want this
Should I sacrifice my soul
To get through another day
Deadlines winning the race
How can I keep running
Just a mother’s wish,
To be home with her baby


Friday, July 22, 2011

Sugar puff, a love poem

Sugar puff, sweet outside, crazy inside
I don't blame you, for wanting a taste
Flavour you've never tried before
Licking lips when I walk by, I see you

Eyes have it all each time, even when
You fronted to me and them all
Words speak too much every time
Feelings only take us so far

Walking poetry, you asked first
Don't hide from the answer
Whispered by hearts
My smirk should say it all

Romantic through and through
My plight every time
Just tell me you love me
And I'll think of you fondly

Seeing red

Red is...

anger, boiling inward, exploding outward
survival, fighting spirit , rattling cages
spontaneous, jumping first, asking later
passion, caring more, asking none

race cars, speeding fast, wind blowing
balloons, floating, full of hot air and ideas
arrows, targeting, bulls-eye every time
rocks, reminding, ancestors far and past

action, climbing, upward
feelings, feeling, everything
thoughts, innovating, controversial
ideas, intimidating, innocently





Friday, July 8, 2011

July 7th..chaos, a moment to celebrate love, and Tanabata

In a storm of chaos and challenge, a bamboo branch was extended to me,  that reminded me of what was really important...love. The day before began quite innocently and stressful for me.  I had just returned to work from an extended vacation (still sick and with no voice),  had to work until midnight that evening only to  return the following morning for inventory at 8 a.m. (that I was in charge of, and funny enough had scheduled because my hairdresser moved out of state and was only in town that weekend to do my hair...it's complicated). That evening at work was a nightmare...I was down 3 people, annoying glitches, unnecessary accidents that included my finger and toe, computer system crashes, and  traffic jams on the freeway at 1 a.m.  As I finally arrived home, bruised and deflated , I convinced myself that the next day would be great!  Miraculously I slept like my baby, woke bright eyed,  and all went well with inventory. The cherry on top was that my Regional Manager made a pop visit and demanded paperwork I had yet to complete and had to scrounge up last minute.  However,  I still stopped long enough during my hectic day to realize the date was July 7th, my 11th year dating anniversary with my husband.  Sure, we had been married three years and no longer celebrated our "dating" anniversary, but  it still meant a lot to me. I was still in the middle of inventory when I confided in my coworker the date's significant to me. What happened next took my breath away. My Japanese coworker shared that the date was also a special holiday in Japan called Tanabata. It is a very special holiday that celebrates the legend of two lovers, a prince and a princess, who were destined (or cursed) to only meet once a year on July 7th (on a bridge were they unite).  As a token, the people in Japan celebrate by writing their wishes on decorative paper and hanging them from long bamboo branches that are then placed in front of their  homes. It is a holiday celebrating love and wishes. I had never heard of this holiday and was touched that my husband and I shared our history of love on the same date. To celebrate this special occasion of love, I  share this poem, about and for, my love...

Clouds chased me, hiding sunshine
Blinded by pain and loss
Winds blowing fiercely through
Parting curtains and skirts
But only for a moment
Until you came...

Heart of gold and honey
Solid and sweet
I knew right away
You were my gift
But a fighter's spirit
Was hard to rest

You held tight, and loved 
Polishing diamonds clean
Hoping to shine as bright
As beacons in the night
Search was finally over
Love landed on shore

And here we are now
A decade flew us by
Like kids still laughing
How we've grown together
Still celebrating our love
Meeting half way, like Tanabata

Saturday, June 25, 2011

You saw...A poem

You saw water
Pools rippling
Washing over flaws
Mirrored perfections
Smudged looking glass

You saw wings
Flapping over winds
Flying too high
Angels praying
Home sweet home

You saw a shell
Echoing voices
Of distant past
How to compare
To it all...

You saw fire
True face after all
Passionate, selfish
Destroying everything
Til death do us part


I used to be...A poem

I used to be
tough and righteous
Adults gasped
At the little girl
Of steal and spit

I used to be
caped crusader
Foreigners threatened
At the little girl
Of mystery and fame

I used to be
new miss thing
Locals envied
At the little girl
Of worldly style

I used to be
woman of stone
Family wondered
At the little girl
Who shed no tears

I used to be
bitter and sweet
People confused
At the little girl
Who was too much

I used to be
selfishly selfless
Everyone comforted by
The little girl
Who cared too much




Tip of the day

"Balance, my darling, balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself".

*Eat Pray Love.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Fragile...a poem

Fragile
She swings at night
Complete and alone
Clovers under feet
Footsteps in the dark
Moon shines a path
For contemplation

Fragile
She walks at night
White skirt swims over
 Lilies of the Valley
Soft bells ringing
White tigers sleep
She keeps walking

Fragile
Breezes dance through trees
Swaying arms to embrace
Voices humming lovingly
She listens attentively
Owls watch her closely
As she dances and sings

Fragile
She burns love at night
Crackling and cindering
Skin glowing softly so
With passion deep below
He dares finally to join
The other side of the coin






Love this good...a poem

Crack open my heart
Sunshine bursts through
Reaching heaven high
From open legs
Reach within and grab
My soul to shake hands
with God with tears
In my eyes, over hills
Snakes swim over water
Miracles happening
Love twisted on the brain
Dark passion on my lips
Love this good is never a sin









Monday, June 20, 2011

Tip of the day

When someone tells me "You can't have everything",

I respond "Oh yes I can, I do, and I will!".

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Eternal Love...a poem

Oceans of time pass slowly
Yearning reincarnated again
She slips through his hands
Like water through fingers
So close, but not this lifetime

It only took a walk, to fall
Hopes of eternal fires ignited
Breezes through her curls
He was hers forever now
Through flesh and spirit

King in love with peasant
Union of equals, in faith
Golden soldiers march in 
Smoke covers the lands
And then she is gone…

Death cool relief for him
Dreaming of those curls
Waking once more alone
Eternal love searching
So close, but not this lifetime



Friday, May 27, 2011

The healing powers of responsibly expressed anger.

Anger. Blood-boiling, fist clenching, teeth grinding, wall punching, seething, explosive, seeing red anger is often characterized as being negative, something to be suppressed and with out a place in spirituality. Human emotion of anger has been called many things, “sin, shadow self, evil, barbarian, animalistic”, but what it is often not called is healing. Unless you are a truly enlightened being (after years of discipline, prayer and meditation usually performed in isolation and solitude) you will experience anger. Yet most of us are taught at an early age by our parents, teachers and society that expressing anger is unacceptable. So many of us repress it, only to explode when all of the pent up emotions inevitably explode (or implode into psychological disorders). But what we are not taught is that expressing anger in a responsibly way is a healthy release that will cleanse the soul. By suppressing anger inward or creating resentment through unexpressed anger toward the correct source, it will only eat us up inside and deplete our energy and soul. If you are unable to express your anger to a source, then release it in other ways such as vigorous exercise, boxing, or just letting out a gut wrenching scream within a safe and enclosed area like your car, house or nature. Babies instinctively know how to release frustrations by yelling, crying or just screaming. Then it passes and they are all smiles again. My toddler will sometimes clench his fists and just scream at the top of his lungs, like a wolf howling at the moon. If we are at home (not in public, thus being a responsible expression),  I just scream with him. He looks at me, laughs, and we continue to scream together. And it feels damned good!  

Shadow self...a poem

Swimming thru flames
Emotional fires burn
Fists punching patiently
Running full speed
Getting no where fast

Biting hands like rabid dog
Drooling for the other side
Running circles in this cage
Growling with teeth out
Dog off a leash will attack

Bear seen in shadow self
Keep poking her with a stick
And heads will surely roll
Mars in the first house…
Peeks out from curtsying skirt

Lady all the way, class too
But don’t tempt your fate
She can turn just like that
Testing is not a good idea
She will fight to the death

Monday, May 16, 2011

Ignorance can be bliss

Negative energy created by negative thoughts about others only hurt the person that thinks them. By festering anger, resentment, and disappointment only creates turmoil within the mind that thinks it and the heart that feels it. Instead fill your mind and heart with silence. You don’t have to accept other’s short comings, but you can ignore them. For in such situations, ignorance can be bliss!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Inspirational tip of the day

Without an open heart, an open mind is irrelevant.

"This body of mine"...a poem

Fingers over curves,
Reacquainted friend
Bruises like a cheetah,
Can I change my spots
Neglected too long
After all the sacrifice
The love and strength
You have given me

Worked overtime
Creating life within
House of my soul
Sacrificed on the way
Plagued and drugged
All the internal work
Now comes to you
This body of mine

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Dreams of you

Always a strange one
Over many oceans
Too smart and too strong
Misunderstood by all
Sweet butter cup
Cut into your face
And today you ask
Who am I to you

Think back my friend
I want to run so fast
Standing still and I
Miss you so much
No one knows who you are
To me, and I scream so loud

Blinded by  it all
And you disapear
Why am I wandering
Without you next to me
Dreams come close
I stare, and you laugh
It will be, all right


"Go ahead"...A poem

Go ahead and try
to love, understand
Fighter, survivor
At the end of the day
Closing blinds to all

Smallest touch, I want

To be a lady,
Not a warrior
Kiss my battle scars
Across lovely cheeks
Kissing gentle lips

Normalcy is the norm
Goodbye shines bright
 Still lost on all, of me
Stronger than all of thee
Thunder and lightening
Flying so high after all




Monday, March 21, 2011

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Power of The Secret...create the life of your dreams

Five years ago I read the best selling book “The Secret”, and had my life changed forever. At the time my boyfriend (now husband) and I wanted to move to another city for three years, after attending a wedding there. However, we were all talk to no action due to fear.  How can we just move cross country? How will we have the money? How will we find jobs?...and on and on. We were self sabotaging ourselves. Then a friend recommended “The Secret” and after reading it I began to visualize us living in that city.
A few weeks later we went back for another wedding, and during our stay we continued to visualize us living there. My boyfriend wanted to wait a year so we can save up money, but I wanted to move NOW. So after focusing on what we would need to make the move this year, I declared to the Universe “I want $5000 and a job opportunity so we can move”.

A month later I was inspired to go on the Internet to search for job in the city we wanted to move to (which in the three years we talked about moving I had never done before). I picked one company I wanted to work for and declared I wanted to move up in my career from sales to management.  I looked up the company on the Internet and they had two positions open, one sales and one management. I applied for both (I did not have any management experience) and a week later I was offered the sales position. And a week after that my fiancĂ© (he coincidentally proposed the same day I received the job offer) and I were in a U-Haul on our way to our desired city. Everything went so smoothly and quickly, and we found a beautiful condo to live in just a few miles away from my new job. My fiancĂ© also quickly found a job. I continued to focus on wanting to be a manager and two months later the company opened another location and offered me a management position. Shortly after we moved we were offered an unexpected business opportunity off of which we  made $5000.  My friends and family were shocked and awestruck at our seeming good fortune. I repeated this again a year later when I wanted to work for a different company. The same history repeated it self and a month after I contacted the company to inquire about a management position I was made an offer (even though at the time they did not have a position open and one became available when the current manager moved to another country). I was making more money and had my (then) dream job! Again, everyone was amazed at our continued luck and prosperity. My husband began to follow the techniques of “The Secret” and got a position with a company he pursued for a year. Our lives continued to be blessed. We were married and had a beautiful baby boy, with new dreams for the future.

Lately I have been feeling stuck, eager to set my new dreams and goals into motion. However, I have been feeling like I am being held back; and confused as to why things are not working out so quickly and magically as they had before. Yesterday I was searching through Netflix and came across “The Secret” the movie, and watched it. I realized I was getting exactly what I was focusing on, I was getting what I didn’t want.  The universe is unbiased and will provide what you focus on, without differentiating if it’s what you want or don’t want. I was focusing on not wanting to work as much and I kept being contacted by recruiters for prestigious positions that would give me more work responsibilities. I would gripe to my friends “I want less work, not more work. Why do I keep getting job offers for more work?”  Well, all the universe knows is that I keep focusing on work, and it was providing.  I had a light bulb moment and have begun to shift my focus on what I want, not on what I don’t want.  

If you have not had the opportunity to read or watch “The Secret”, I encourage you to do so. It can truly give you the tools to change your life, and make all of your wishes and dreams come true. The concept is really quite simple and takes only three steps: 1) Ask, for what you want. 2) Believe, you will get it. 3) Receive, feel and act as if you have already received it.  The concept is simple. The difficult part is having the faith and courage to do it. You may struggle with an inner dialogue of fear, discouragement and denial. I have found it can be quite difficult to dream big with out my inner critic chiming in and telling me what I want is impossible to attain. And, the bigger the dream the louder the voice of doubt becomes. For example, the thoughts “I want a new Honda” versus “I want a private jet” will automatically stir my inner critic and I will tell my self a Honda is within my reach but to stop being foolish enough to think I will ever own a jet. This is where self-love comes in. You must love yourself enough to believe you are worthy and capable of making your wildest dreams come true.  Do not worry about how you will get them, that part is up to the Universe. The Universe will shift to create the opportunities for you to get what you ask for. This does not mean passivity on your part, for you have to be aware of when the opportunities arrive, and ACT on them. So go ahead, make a wish, and another, and another, and another… and mold your life into the life of your dreams.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Inspirational tip of the day

"You are not here merely to make a living.
You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply,
with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.
You are here to enrich the world,
and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand."

Woodrow Wilson

Monday, March 7, 2011

"Burns bright"...a poem

Mark burns bright
Of Tiger's stripe
Across open palm
Voice so clear

Time out this time
Absent in the present
Glassy souled and 
Ever searching so

Teeth silent for now
Lips curled like yours
Please don't go there
For it will be on

So cool, so awesome
Can't stand it at all
So-called cleaner
Time wasted on it all


Monday, February 21, 2011

Dancing with Eagle feathers...Dream interpreted

I had an amazing dream last night. I was on a crowded waterfront with a friend. On the beach I noticed 2 large black eagle feathers. I took one in each hand and started flapping them, lifting off the ground. My friend found 2 small seagull feathers and also flapped, but the wings were too small and he could not get off the ground. I took my feathers and used them as wings and started to fly in the air. All the people below  stopped what they were doing and looked up in the sky to watch me. I flew over the water gracefully dancing, spinning and flipping like a ballerina in the air. I was so happy. Usually when I dream of water or flying I am afraid and anxious in my dream, and I am usually trying to escape from harm by flying away from danger or running away from tidal waves or drowning. So it was unusual that in this dream I felt for the first time so free as I was flying and I was not afraid of the water below but found is soothing. I pondered the meaning of my dream after waking. Water represents emotions. And the Eagle totem represents spirit, healing and creation and is symbolized by water and air. This brought me great satisfaction, for perhaps the dream symbolizes that I am becoming more in tune with my emotions and therefore healing (water),  bringing me more spiritual growth that I can share with others (flying high like an eagle).  I have been visited by a pair of eagles many times as they fly in circles over my car while I'm driving. I'm so thankful for the eagle's message, that with courage, strength, and great vision we can connect with spirit, bringinG us great opportunities to fly great heights.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Personality change

I just retook the Myers-Briggs personality test and it has changed from INTJ to INFJ! I had taken the test several times over the past 10 years for various jobs, and I was always and INTJ. As I read the personality description of the INFJ it was actually spot on! Was I wrong before? Was I biased in my answers, focusing on what I wanted to be rather than who I really was (a feeler instead of a thinker)?  Was it a way to protect my mushy interior with a hard candy shell? Or did I change after becoming a mother? Whatever the reason, I certainly had a light bulb moment when reading the characteristics of my new personality, especially in relation to this blog and my desire to inspire people. I had brunch with a girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and over mimosas I admitted to her that my dream is to help and inspire people on a large, even global scale, either through writing or politics. I also told her about a conversation I had with a friend 10 years earlier who asked me what would I do for a profession if money was not an issue. I gave the same exact answer then. 

The INFJ personality type is described by http://www.typelogic.com/ as such:

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.
INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. 
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. 
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

 I am so grateful for the various events in my life that have placed me on this path of self realization, so that I can be more in tuned with my true self. I have shifted my focus from the logical and practical, to the spiritual and intuitive. When I began this blog I didn't really know what I would write about, I just had this urge to do it. The process was organic, writing only when I felt inspired to do so. I never dreamed it would be about spirituality. I let my intuition, heart, God and the universe guide me. Therefore, I feel I am truly coming into my own, and the growing pains have been worth it! I never imagined anyone would read what I write, and I am so amazed and honored that my blog has gone international with readers all over the world.  I am truly grateful to you who have taken the time and interest to read my humble words. Thank you for inspiring me! :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Inspirational tip of the day

We all have a force guiding us. But not all of us are open enough to hear it, or courageous enough to follow it.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Inspirational tip of the day

To love another, is to support their crazy ideas
Self-love, is to support your own crazy ideas

Baby's breath...a poem

Hours drip by
Chinese water torture
Gasping for air
You my true fortune

Baby's breath
Carried in my hair
Every minute away
Seems so unfair

Brightness of each day
To see your smile
Be patient sweet baby
For just a little while

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Bows tied too tight...a poem

Should be inspired
Should be excited
Future so bright
Eyes rolling tight
Skeptical, pessimistic
Unhappy and realistic
Frivolous words
From shark's lips
Wanting much more
Than frivolous tips
Want tomorrow
Filled with light
Not hollow sorrow
With bows tied too tight
Always up for a fight

Tip of the day

Intuition is a wonderful gift, but sensitivity to ones environment can be draining if not filtered. Self-love is to not allow yourself to carry the burdens and negative energy of those around you.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Brain freeze...the pain of over-thinking

This is dedicated to all of you Type-A personalities, the thinkers, the analyzers, the innovators. I fall into this category, so I am empathetic when I say “stop thinking so much!”.   You may have taken great pride in your intelligence, perhaps feeling it is what sets you apart from the average person. However, there needs to be a balance between mind and heart, logic and intuition, meditation and thought to live a truly balanced and happy life. One of my favorite quotes is “Ignorance is bliss”. Over thinking, and over analyzing, will eventually create unnecessary worry and anxiety, usually over some imagined event in the future that may never happen. Living in the present moment is the humans’ greatest challenge. Religions around the world believe true enlightenment comes when we stop thinking and become fully present in the moment.  Challenge yourself daily to take a few moments to meditate, or just shut your eyes and breathe. Silence all worries, to-do lists, plans, and recaps of the day’s events. Enjoy the silence and smile. For to shut off the mind (even for small increments), you will find peace, your true-self, and be closer to God.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Drafty corridors...A poem

Drafty corridors
Incense swims
Scenting hair
Kneeling alter
Hymns tickling
Soprano notes
Giving thanks
Blessing family
Pleading answers
Divine hands
Embrace shoulders
Drafty corridors

Quote of the day

A balanced life is equal parts discipline and indulgence.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Don't give away your sparkle!

Have you ever been the victim of “haters”? Weak minded people who don’t like you because you are (or they perceive you as) stronger, smarter, better looking, richer, more ambitious, more spiritual, nicer, more popular, kinder, etc. Unfortunately the world is full of insecure people who are easily threatened by others and in turn lash out. They will try to knock you down emotionally. Or act like they’re better than you. Jealousy can be a powerful motivator for the weak hearted. So what do you do if you are faced with such a person? If you are confident, secure in yourself, and warm hearted you will not feel threatened. You may feel sorry for that person and try to be empathetic. You may rationalize that something made that person this way, perhaps a traumatic childhood or negative past experiences. You may open your arms to this person and attempt to embrace them, help them, and show the person they should not fear you for you are a nice person. But that can be like a lion trying to embrace a tarantula. It is wonderful to reach out to those who wish to make you their enemy. You may even try to camouflage your bright spirit for the sake of this person. But be careful not to give away your power. No one deserves the right to take away from you that which makes your shine, your heart and soul. There is a time to be gracious and empathetic; however it is equaly important to know when to stand up for your self. No one deserves to take away your sparkle!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

And here I am...a poem

Words…
Mother, wife, sister, friend
And here I am
Strong, beautiful, graceful
Yet a sin, shame, hiding
Strength from the weak
Lioness on the prowl
Open to like minded
Feared by weak hearted

Thoughts…
Beauty, fashion, style
And here I am
Lip gloss girl who can
Take and give a left hook
Graffiti your world, can you
Hang with all I am, all it takes
No clue when the paw strikes

Feelings…
Shuned don’t you know
And here I am
Sunshine and mountains
Cried rivers deep and long
Your toes never touched
Don’t think you can
Ask to be like I am

Ideas…
Too deep and true
And here I am
Welcomed and exiled
Progressive even for those
Wishing to ride along
Gripping the monkey bar
Once again gone too far

 Dreams…
Love, peace and happiness
And here I am
Submissive for the last time
Puckered lips in bed
Where those who don’t belong
Walking from the day
Who no longer have a say

Monday, January 10, 2011

Ask Sabina!

Hello friends! Thank you for checking out my blog and I hope you have found my posts interesting or helpful. I just wanted to reach out and let you know I am always available for comments, feedback or advice. If you would like additional information about any topics covered, need some advice, or would like your numerology or astrology birth chart and interpretations,  I would love to help! Just leave me a comment on the blog (if you want to share with others), or you can email me personally at sabinasubu711@gmail.com.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!!

Love and happiness,
Sabina

Sunday, January 9, 2011

When the love is gone, love yourself

What do you do when the love is gone? Whether for a relationship, a friendship, or even a job or city you live in, how does one walk away from a stale situation which no longer offers anything positive to your growth and development? Or is negative and toxic to your soul? Well, the first (and most difficult) step is REALIZATION. It can be disappointing and painful to realize that you must say goodbye to a person or situation. However, through self-love you will also realize that you must put yourself first in order to live a whole and balanced life. It may feel selfish to put yourself first, especially if you are a “giver”. But in order to truly give the best you have to offer, from a place of true service and love to those you care about, you must give to yourself first. The second step is COURAGE. It’s scary to take action, to walk away and gain independence. Change is scary. Even if the change is positive, it is unfamiliar and the old and familiar will always feel more secure. Having the courage to take action and improve your life is also a reflection of self-love. And finally the last step is ACCEPTANCE.  Accept yourself for making the difficult decision and seeing it through. Accept that people change, and that you’ve changed. It’s OK if you outgrew someone or something, and that it is just a part of your development and growth, of your journey.