Friday, December 21, 2012

No Super Woman...a poem

No Super Woman
Sometimes too much
To continue to bear
Must keep moving
Can't stop now
Just might collapse
Feeding the world
Body a temple
Sacrificed for all
Dry my tears
And everyone else's
Past an uphill battle
Not worth grasping
Little hands, fingers
Hold all cards now

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Thought of the day

To me being a good friend is telling the truth, even if it's a truth that's not easy to  hear. Rather than sticking your head in the sand too.  

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Thought for the day.

Live your life life as if you are a balloon.
Full of joy and lightness.
Floating happily thru life.
Don't worry about others,
Some hands will love you.
Some hands will let you go.
Some hands will try to pop you.
Some hands will deflate you.
Some hands will refill you.
Choose wisely who you wish to handle you.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

U-Turn back to self through the "Dressing Your Truth" program.

Recently I have been "obsessed" with Seasonal Color Analysis.  I somehow came across "Dressing Your Truth" by Carol Tuttle and signed up for the free trial, where each day I received a different email and video introducing me to the program. Each day I anticipated the day's new video (smart strategy!) and became obsessed with figuring out which "energy" I am.

Although I was draped more than 10 years ago and told my best colors, that bring out the glow in my skin, hair and eyes, this system is totally different. Where other theories focus on colors that best suit your natural coloring and features and do not correlate it to personality, the "DYT" system focuses on the natural vibrations you were born to give off. Each season represents colors, vibrations, nature as they relate to your true self.  A fascinating concept to me considering I have been an avid student of Native American religion and mythology for decades and do believe humans are connected to nature and can learn from it. Loving anything with personality assessment and fashion, and trying to bring more color into my wardrobe and home decorating, I became quickly hooked in. This system seemed to have it all.

Carol Tuttle's "Dressing Your Truth" and "It's Just My Nature" books and system claim not to be a personality assessment because there is no quiz you can take. Rather it is an "instinctive" journey of self discovery. However, there is a connection made between each season to facial features, mannerisms, strengths/weakness, doodling styles...well, personality.  The books and videos are filled with women who have spent their entire lives hiding who they really are, and by learning their season and dressing accordingly they can finally express their true self in the world.  A pretty complicated system considering again there is no analysis or data to support any of this, as it borrows from past  color theories exclusively and not psychological personality theories. Tuttle herself reminds me of Oprah, and not in a good way, at her relentless self promotion and branding.  This program includes books, blogs, radio shows, and even fashion and facial products, which are promoted at every opportunity (at times making her videos sound more like infomercials). The expensive online system (no, I did not order it) claims it will teach you to not only how to "dress your truth" (taking away all anxiety and myths propagated by the fashion and beauty industry), but also how to translate the program into every single facet of your life including relationship building and parenting.  The looks for each season fit a certain cookie cutter mold she has created, with all looks for each season looking exactly the same. This includes outdated spiky, crunchy curls or too obvious highlighted streaked hairstyles, popped collars, and huge jewelry.  With each season looking the same, I'm not sure how that supports a women's unique self expression and style.  Actually the program's mantra is to stop being a slave to current fashion trends and dress what looks best on you (aka, her style?). She's based in Utah, where she has a "center" that includes a salon, boutique and in-person seminars.  Her "energy experts" are compiled of her family members and examples for each each season are the same few clients, who all fit the mold of each season almost superficially.  Making me think they are exaggerating the traits a wee bit too much.

In my quest for determining my "energy", I read blogs and forums by women who were also going through the system, and seemed as confused as I was.  I looked at their before and after pictures dressed in their new found season.  And here is what I found time and time again. The women looked better (and amazing) BEFORE!  After changing their style to what they thought they should be, they looked, well, not themselves (and these are strangers to me).  I have come to believe that most women already know what looks good on them, and perhaps there are other factors at play that should be explored for their quest for self discovery. In their quest for self discovery, the DYT program seemed to just create unnecessary confusion, anxiety and doubt.  It did for me!

This post is in no way intended to knock or critique the program (although my impressions may seem harsh, they are my honest opinions).  I think there can be a lot of useful and fun information if taken with a grain of salt.  A positive and helpful self reflection that I discovered through the DYT experience is that I absolutely do naturally express my main "season" in my personal life, and resort to my secondary season for work.  However, don't we all wear certain masks for certain situations.  The learning I can take away from this entire experience, and would like to share, is that no system can tell you who you are.  Not a fashion system, or a personality test, or even feedback from those closest to you.  Your true self is already within you, and life is damn complicated.  If we choose not to wear our true self on our sleeve for all to see at every moment, and keep it to ourselves for our own reasons, that's human nature and ultimately part of our true expression.  Self acceptance (dressing/expressing your season/truth) is wonderful, as is anything that empowers you or builds confidence.  However, at times expressing other facets of self, or trying on those of others, is equally important to the development of self.  Life is a journey and although we are born as God intended us to be, I believe the ultimate purpose of life is to develop, grow and blossom into a better version.  And no makeup or clothes will ever do that for you. 

Ultimately, after hours of analysis and contemplation probed by the DYT program, I have made a U-turn back to who I already was and concluded I am happy just the way I dress and look.  I, as we are all, am multifaceted and cannot be easily pigeon holed.  Let me sum it up with a comment a coworker made to me a few years ago when she found out I love camping and roughing it out in nature.  She said "YOU like camping???  I always thought you were a lip gloss girl".  Shocked and offended at her limited thinking, I replied  "I'm a multifaceted woman, and can like lip gloss AND camping".

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bad friends, a painful lesson in life.

I have always been the kind of person that lets others in easily.  My motto has been "give people the benefit of the doubt and my trust, and it's up to them to keep it or loose it".  I know most people are the opposite, they have a wall up upon meeting and it's up to you to prove yourself and win their trust and friendship.  This so so opposite from my thinking that there have been times I gave up on trying to be someones friend because I could not understand why I had to keep proving myself, or pay the price for whatever past experiences caused that wall to go up.  Being so open to people has nipped me in the bud more than once.  As you can imagine I have had many people who have disappointed me.  So called friends I had let into my life, only to turn on me.  I can never understand why that is, and why someone wouldn't want to discuss whatever issues may be weighing them toward ending a friendship.  It is quite normal for people to move apart, or have people in your life for a limited time. What I am referring to is when so called friends betray, reject or try to knock you down.  It is always infuriating and painful for me, even though I try to tell myself it doesn't matter.  And these are just "friends" I'm talking about. I won't even go into the jealous and insecure female co-workers and bosses who had been envious instead of team players.

Just recently I found out a "friend" de-friended me from FB.  Although we hadn't talked for over a year and I sensed she had changed around me the last time I did see her, I was still quite shocked and hurt that someone would actually take the time and energy to un-friend someone.  She and I became friends through another friend when we were pregnant with our first children.  She attended my baby shower and birthday party.  I let her into my life.  Then suddenly she started pulling away for no reason known to me.  She started acting really shady when I did see her again at social gatherings. After many attempts of reaching out to her, I finally gave up.  I found out she was again pregnant with her second child at the same time I with mine, and it hurt me that we were not sharing it together.  Then I discovered she took me off her friends list on FB.  I was so pissed...and hurt.  Not sure what I did that was so awful, but it's not on me to figure that out.  If a person can turn people away so quickly I truly don't want them in my life!

I have had other friends flake out on me too over the years.  Usually I find it's due to some type of jealousy, or deep rooted inferiority issues within themselves.  I am not saying I am a perfect friend here, but true friendship is about being able to discuss things and accept people's short comings.  However, some people just cannot be happy for you when things are going well. It's almost like they are mad that things are going your way.  There are those friends who I have met when I was in a more challenging time in my life, and perhaps misery likes company.  But as I get past my challenges and make the necessary changes to get myself back to balance, these friends are not supportive of the new positive me.  They start becoming negative and judgmental when I share the blessings in my life.  They nick pick at details and question my enthusiasm and validity of the reasons for my optimism.  Each time I let it go because I have empathy that it's due to their own issues, and that it's not personal.  I try to inspire them through my positive outlook to life and take the time and energy to listen and help them through their problems.  Only to make them more annoyed.  I had another friend who I didn't connect with on a trip back home and she was obviously offended, although did not make any effort to connect with me and actually said to my husband "the ball's in her court".  What court?  Who's playing games? 

Perhaps I should start greeting new people with a guard up to protect myself.  Or cut off friends who are negative and drain my energy.  Or become a hermit and cut everyone off because it's easier.  But I refuse to change that about myself.  I will not have shame that I am a warm and open hearted person.  Even if I do get hurt again, as I know I will, I will not change that which is good in me.  The world is effected enough by the vast people who are suspicious and judgmental of others, causing wars and hate crimes.  I know those are extreme cases, however I do believe all of mankind vibrates on energy levels.  If more people vibrate with love and acceptance, that can surely make positive changes to ones immediate environment, and even the planet.

I am grateful for the true friends I do have.  The strong, independent women who support and inspire me.  Who celebrate my successes, as well as listen to my troubles.  To the warm hearted women who are not threatened by the positive traits of others, and try to knock you down when you are up.  But instead cherish the positive traits in others, and get inspired to make the necessary changes in their own lives.  The world outside is enough of a dark and dangerous place.  I am grateful for the bright lights in my life.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Today's precious moment, visit from Butterfly.

This morning I was in the car with my husband and son, heading to an ultra sound appointment for our baby to come.  As we were stopped at a red light, I rubbed my belly and said "we get to see you today little baby. We get to see who has been doing all this kicking".  At that exact moment I looked up and saw a butterfly dance right across our windshield, from my husbands side all the way across to my side.  I laughed out in delight and joy, as I knew it was a sign from my little angel to come!

In the five years I have lived in Las Vegas, I have never seen a butterfly until this Spring.  It was March and I was finishing up training for my new job.  On my way home from training each day, I saw butterflies everywhere!  I thought the Butterfly was sending me a message of transformation and to go with the flow in reference to my new job.  I even purchased a butterfly pillow for the sofa in my home office to remind me of Butterfly's wise lessons.

It was such a delight to be visited by Butterfly again.  I took it as a sign of the transformation my life is to go through with the addition of a new baby.  As well as again the message of "going with the flow" with the rest of my pregnancy, reminding me of the magic and joy pregnancy brings.  Today was the last day of our stay-cation and the week had been especially difficult with me as I was so tired of being pregnant and feeling so tired and cranky all the time.  Butterfly's visit at the exact moment I acknowledged the excitement of seeing my baby was a special gift indeed. In the end, my uncomfortable Cocoon stage will be so worth it with the arrival of my beautiful baby boy!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Thought for the day

Don't worry too much about reaching your goal, celebrate the success of each step taken to get there.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Charging ahead with the Rhinoceros spirit guide.

As we open ourselves up spiritually to receive insight and assistance, it can be like opening the flood gates. Help will come from all over the place.  We are always surrounded by Angels and Spirit Guides who's job and pleasure is to help and assist you.  All you have to do is ask.  They can come in the forms of Angels, Loved one who have passed, or Animal spirit guides.  The more you listen and show gratitude for the help that is offered, the more you will receive!

I have awakened to the assistance of animal spirit guides almost three years ago.  I have always felt a connection with certain animals at certain times in my life,  but I did not necessarily understand why.  Although we have what's called a life time animal that walks your journey with you your entire life, we also have messenger animals that will come to us for a short time to teach us a valuable lesson. My first encounter was when I was pregnant with my first son. I dreamt of a mama bear staring at me with a human expression of pleading that kept me thinking about for a few days later. On a whim I looked up what Bear symbolism in dreams meant.  I learned that when a bear comes to you it is asking you to "take it easy" for the next three months as they do during hibernation.  This was around the time during my pregnancy that I was over exerting myself at work and was ignoring everyone telling me to "take it easy".  I didn't listen to Bear's message and ended up on bed rest a week later. I had exactly three months left in my pregnancy. I learned to listen then, and realized the powerful message that are available in dreams through animal guides!

Since then I have had many animals come to me in dreams. When I was first  transitioning to part time work and learning in many ways how to be less ambitious in career and focus more on home, I was visited by pigeon which represents focusing more on home.  When a promotion opportunity came up at my new job and I considered "lunging" for it, the black panther and snow owl visited me several times with the message to wait and watch and not to pounce just yet. For me it took a conscious effort to not fall into the old patterns of being so career and ambition focused, and I listened to my animal guides with faith and gratitude.

Last night I was visited for the first time by the Rhinoceros.  I was so excited to research this morning what new message and gift was awaiting for me from this ancient and wise animal.  In my dream I was a little bird whose wings were tied down and hidden by the place I was forced to work (funny enough it was Home Depot of all places).  I was in a wheelchair, and the boss kept me inside and out of any rain or water knowing that if I got wet my wings would untie and I would realize I can fly and am free.  As it began to rain outside one day and I was not being "monitored" by anyone I rolled my wheelchair outside into the falling rain drops. I looked up smiling and joyous.  At that moment my lover who was also a bird swooped down and grabbed me from the wheelchair and we flew away.  Later in the dream we were both captured by some sort of enemies that were insects, and taken to a cliff to be killed.  I shape shifted into a mighty Rhinoceros and escaped taking big jumps onto different rocks and columns that lay like steps leading away from the deadly cliff and my enemies.

The Rhinoceros totem brings with it many valuable lessons, such as being unassailable from any enemies and attack, and knowing when to charge when threatened. They are home bodies who enjoy being home and with family, but can be a party animal when out.  Not a social creature, they are admired for their power when among their peers.  They are very focused on the task at hand to get it accomplished. The Rhinoceros also represents ancient wisdom to know thyself and trust your inner wisdom. The Rhinoceros has a deep connection with mother earth, and will keep you grounded as you soar to higher realms of spirituality.

I can certainly make so many connections with my dream and the lessons of the Rhinoceros.
Mainly that I must continue to trust my intuition in situations, and know I will be protected from the harm of other, smaller people. Water represents emotions, therefore I need to let my emotions guide me above service or a job. That even when not visible, I always have the power and freedom to make changes and leave suppressive environments and people. And most importantly to remember to stay grounded during my spiritual explorations.

Lastly, this totem is a solar animal and with it brings escalated body heat, and finding creative ways to keep cool.  I have been complaining to my husband the last few days of feeling overheated. As I am pregnant during a Las Vegas summer with unseasonable humidity making the heat even more unbearable, I supposed I will need to explore different ways of  keeping myself cool.

We are always supported and protected by Guides and Angels during our journey through life.  Never feel alone, or believe guidance is out of your reach.  Take the time to reflect, pray and ask for assistance. Take comfort that lessons can be learned from adversity.  Remember to keep an open mind, and you will soon realize that you are forever enveloped in love, guidance and protection.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Selfishness, a positive lesson from the Fly

Last night I dreamt of a small fly flying right into my face as I was laying in my bed. It seemed so real and startled me awake.  The Fly totem animal brings a lesson of taking the necessary time to be selfish by putting your rest above the needs of others.  Fly totem also means persistence, a healthy ego, and the strength to ask for what you want when you want it.

I just had a conversation about this with a friend last night. I told her how I had to have a conversation with my husband about the importance of him taking on more of the familial responsibilities as I need more down time to rest during my pregnancy. That right now I have to put my unborn baby first, which means putting myself first too.  In a way I had to stand up, almost demand, time out for myself during my pregnancy.  Being a wife and mom brings many responsibilities, along with work responsibilities.  It is hard to find time for yourself.  However, when you are pregnant you have your health and that of your unborn baby to think of first.  This is a strange twist for many women because when you tell your husband you need to take a nap and skimp on your share of the responsibilities, there are feeling of guilt that come along with that.  It is important to remember in those moments that you are not asking to go lounge eating grapes and get fanned while he does all the household chores. Instead, it is about putting your health and rest first.

 Making a baby is tough work, and takes a huge toll on your body.  I had to learn the hard way with my last pregnancy when I ignored every one's advice to "take it easy" and ended up on doctor ordered bed rest for a week.  Now I have to stand up for, and in a way demand, my down time.  But, you don't have to be pregnant to demand time for yourself to recharge.  We all need time to rest and reconnect with the self.  It is during our quiet moments alone that we truly reflect on things and have a dialogue with our higher self.  The term "selfish" has such negative connotations in our society, and can especially be a stigma for woman.  Being selfish is actually healthy and positive when done in balance. It allows one the ability to follow ones path, achieve one's goals, and to love and respect yourself.  Which ultimately makes for a happier and more balanced you that all can benefit from.  Taking time for self is also very important in a relationship. Couples need time and activities alone to nurture the individual within the relationship. 

So take a lesson from the wise Fly and be a little selfish from time to time. Be persistent and relentless when seeking out to achieve your goals.  Don't worry about  "annoying" or putting others off for a while with your self importance and selfishness.  Have the strength to ask for what you need when you need it.  Love yourself enough to put yourself fist sometimes.  Be an individual in a partnership.  Such mighty lessons from such a little creature!


Monday, July 30, 2012

Gliding on the path of self awareness.

After my last post about the swan as a totem animal, or reflection of my true self and dreams of my soul, I continued my self exploration and research.  I bugged my poor husband with helping me determine if the Lion or Swan represented me more by reading the animal totem description for each from Ted Andrew's book "Animal Speak". I didn't tell him which animals I was reading, but just asked him if either or neither sounded like me. After reading both Lion and Swan, my husband said both! Hmmm, the Swan and Lion seem so opposite in so many ways but I could not deny that both represent a part of me. Although I must admit it was quite frustrating too, can't I just be simple with a simple answer?

I continued my research during my free time, being pregnant and living in Las Vegas during 100 degree summer days and working from home on a part time basis luckily allows me a lot of free time.  I came across something interesting last night. I was rereading a book I own on Kindle about numerology in an attempt to make me sleepy so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour, and realized that I posses both the Arrow of Determination and the Arrow of Spirituality in my numerology birth chart. No one else I know, my family or close friends posses these. In short, the Arrow of Determination indicates that I have willpower, confidence, organization and leadership qualities (Lion?!). Whereas the Arrow of Spirituality indicates that I have spiritual awareness, compassion, nurturing, and a peaceful demeanor (Swan?!).  It all seemed to click for me in that moment. I can be, and posses the traits of both!  Bring in to play the numbers of  Life Path and Maturity, my life path is a 1 which embodies all of the qualities of the Arrow of Determination and the Lion, and my Maturity number is  a 6 which very much embodies the characteristics of the Arrow of Spirituality and the Swan. However, as I am maturing and my life is changing I am starting to walk more the path of Spirituality than Determination.  Makes sense as I started this blog 2 years ago and was quite surprised it took a turn toward Spirituality. I also didn't want to run the rat race of ambition anymore and started putting more emphasis on my family.  I felt overwhelmed with the feeling that I need to leave the job I was in and focus more on being available more for my family, and have another baby.

As I contemplate my future I definitely see me continuing on the path of the Swan. I am no longer interested in material accomplishments and ego drives for leadership and power.  I see for myself a calm and balanced future filled with being home with my children, and eventually starting a new career that brings with it more spiritual fulfillment.  I would like to return to school and seek a path of counselor as it has always come naturally to me. A big step was starting this blog. As I went through my own self discovery and spiritual awareness, I took much joy in sharing the journey with others in the hopes of inspiring others.

Life is an amazing journey, and we are all here to learn, grow and contribute.  There are many paths to do this...astrology, numerology, yoga, meditation, reading, self reflecting, learning from adversity.
I am truly excited for the metamorphosis that is occurring, and yet to come as I keep gliding on the path of self awareness!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

From tiger to swan, a journey of self discovery.

As we mature through life and seek to connect with our higher self, we come across images of ourselves which may be inconsistent with how other see us.  Often times we are hard at portraying an image to the outside world that does not reflect our true self.  This may be done for various reasons, such as protecting ourselves, achieving goals, or as a way of borrowing strength to complete a transformation.  For example, I went through a difficult time in my life in a work environment. I felt I needed to display more aggression then I was comfortable with. This was the time I began to really dive into self exploration through astrology, numerology and animal guides/totems.  I felt under attack and threatened by my supervisor, and so I wanted badly to be perceived as a Tiger.  I drew upon the power of the tiger to be left alone by the one who threatened me.  However, ultimately I had come to realize the true me was not a tiger.

As I explored to find the animal that best represented my true self, I solicited feedback from family, friends and co-workers. I had family and friends tell me Swan, Snow Owl, Eagle and Lioness.  I had several coworkers tell me they saw me as a Swan, and even a Dove. A far stretch from the tiger I so badly wanted to be perceived as at work, I thought "no, I am a tiger! I rip the heads off of doves!". I ultimately left that job, and as I explored myself and animal totems further, felt a strong connection to the Lioness. It seemed a good fit for parts of my personality, especially my fierce loyalty, nurturing and protection toward my family.  As I began a new job in a much more healthy and nurturing environment I consciously tried to express my true self.  Right out the gate I found much success in my new position.  I felt surely this was because I was expressing my true self, therefore I thought that meant I was expressing qualities of the Lioness: power, strength, decisiveness. I thought that was why I was finding so much positive feedback and even awe to my "raw talent and natural abilities" as quoted by both supervisors and clients alike.  However, as I got to know my manager better we would have lengthy discussions. She being a very open person to talk to, we somehow got onto the subject of totem animals.  She said she saw me as a bird "pretty, nurturing and free".  Here I was thinking I was  displaying the traits of a Lioness, so I was shocked to again be perceived as a soft, graceful, carefree and nurturing bird animal.  Although I was being myself  from the start, I was still surprised at how different the qualities I saw in myself were from how my manager perceived me.

Even further, as I dove deeper into studies of my astrology and numerology charts I discovered my Soul Urge and Maturity numbers are both 6.  In numerology the Soul Urge number represents the person your soul desires to become and the Maturity number reveals the person you will become-the true self, which usually emerges at the age of 30-35.  In numerology, the number 6 represents beauty, grace, nurturing, humanitarian, deep love of home and family, and art (including fashion and Interior Design).  No wonder my background is in Psychology, Interior Design and Luxury retail. As I turned 30 and got married and started my family, my focus shifted from career ambitions to home and family life. The new job that I took is part-time and working from home, so I can spend more time being a mommy and a wife. The number 6 is also associated with the Swan and Dove! 

Regardless of what animal, Icon or symbol we relate to or feel most comfortable projecting, we are on the journey to discovering and becoming our beautiful true self.  Life's journey brings with it challenges and lessons that uncover the strengths and talents we are to  develop, so we can contribute them to the world.  Along the way we seek answers and we are always guided and protected, and provided with guides and symbols to light the path.  It's funny though that as we seek to understand or discover our true self, those on the outside can see us so clearly.

Inspiration of the day

Often time others see in us what we yet not see in ourselves.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Cages...a poem

Cages flap
Wings wild
Journeys long
Always searching
Looking up
Answers far
Mystery only
To self

Cages clink
Claws sharp
Restless paces
Fearing power
Deep inside
Others follow
Only lost
To self

Cages shine
Sunlight bright
Behind paces
Crawling forward
Sun setting
Dark corners
Sun moon
Balances together
To self

Shine for you...a poem

Shine for you
My little stars
Burning bright
You will always
Find the way
From vastness
Back home

Grab life
My little warriors
Fearless only
Conquer all
World awaits
Such greatness
Needs expression

Respect all
My little angels
Kindness rules
Over fools
Never loose
True confidence
Deep inside

Take comfort
My little pumpkins
Never fear
You are loved
Always forever
All the stars
Shine for you


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Our journey...a poem

Our journey has ended friend
Time to part ways, until
We meet in the stars
Dance in rain clouds

My poems completed now
Floating in bottles out
For you to see just how
Much your love glowed

My tears have run dry
Nourishing broken heart
Whole once more
Beating strong for life

My time has come
Embracing present arms
Without looking back
Into shadows past

Friday, May 4, 2012

My dragonfly...a poem

Maybe you
After all
My dragonfly
Hidden message
Not obvious
Healing heart
Creating depths
Building walls
Mounted butterflies
Time again
For joy
Our love
Can't say
I need
You so

Only Dreams...a poem

So unexpected
Last night
Holding hands
Treading water
Gentle pools

Approaching wall
Of butterflies
You noticed
The dragonfly
Sparkly black

Trust me
The kiss
Song plays
"I forgot"

Heart pounding
Woken suddenly
Eager sleep
Quickly ensued
Searching, searching

Dreams deep
So alone
Heart crying
Bending over
Pain unbearable

Perhaps destiny
Only dreams
We meet
Sweet moments
Separated agony

Friday, April 6, 2012

The Warrior Soul...a poem

Gentle swan necks
Graceful hearts make
Ginger winds stir
Lovely soft hair
Gentle curves swim
Feminine hips sway
Dove-like touch
Battered heart heals
Female magic found
Moon’s quiet light

The warrior soul
Sleeps deep inside
Strong winds stir
Woman’s brave heart
Bear spirit rests
Firm touch destroys
She is frightened
Waking masculine power
Aggressive strength found
Sun’s stark light

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Dream Catcher...a poem

Dream catcher
When soul
Cannot let
Go of
Lives past

Linger so
See fight
Crave peace
Seeking always
Drum's beat

So many
Arrows fly
Warrior spirit
Stirring winds
Burning fires

Time folds
Over again
Still there
Wind's hair
Trees sing

Dream catcher
Catch you
Eyes close
See you
Dream again

Thankful for
Tiny slivers
Place where
Music can
Find me

Tree branches
Summer winds
Moonlight soft
Eyes close
Warriors be

Sunday, March 11, 2012

No Mystery...a poem

No mystery
I love you
And you me
So to be

Just feeling
Lost is all
You my anchor
Me so free

So many tears
Who am I
Swimming free
Floating along

I still know
So do you
Love is true
I love you

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Green...a poem

I see ocean waves
Scratching dark skies
For a bit of sun
Just a little smile

Well fuck the sun
Stars are much better
And moon haunts me so
I see ocean waves

Thank you for yellow
I want to shine for you
Through dark everything
A beacon in the sky

Rest your head down
Close your eyes, breath
Forgiveness sets hearts free
To warm the world

This I see for you
If I am yellow,
You are green
Growing so strong.

Horse spirit...a poem

Traveled many lands
Over many mountains
Carrying many hearts
Over many journeys

Dreaming of hair
Flowing so free
Heart thumping hard
Hooves breaking earth

Burdens can weigh
Spirits running fast
Colt legs wobbling
So much responsibility

Believed to tame
Teach many tricks
Trot fancy dances
Bowing civil like

Wild eyes seeing
Through souls deep
Serving with love
Still need to be free

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hibernation...finally woken

If you have read my blog before you will know that I left my job.  You will also know that I believe in totem animals.  And that bear is one of my totem animals, who lent me the strength to do so.  One of the lessons bear medicine teaches is hibernation.  Taking 3 months off to rest and plan before taking on a new goal. 

I was spending some time today reading over my older blog entries and came across a poem I wrote on November 9th called "Finally wakes"*, exactly 3 months ago.  It is a poem about how I felt after leaving my job.  At the time I was just beginning my journey of waking, and at the time I did not know what the outcome would be.  Today I sit here,  3 months later,  preparing to start my new job in a few days.  An amazing opportunity that balances work and life.

 During my hibernation I slept a lot. I indulged a lot. I was lazy, and read a lot. And I loved it.  Most importantly I healed, contemplated, dreamed and rediscovered myself. And in the last few weeks as my hibernation was coming to an end, I have re-awakened.  I cut back on the indulgences and started working out and eating right. I rubbed my dreamy eyes and looked to the rising sun, ready to take action to a new and exciting start!

Side bar< I'm blessed enough to write this entry on a Thursday afternoon with my son sitting in my lap...the reason why I did it all in the first place.

*Finally Wakes...a poem

Blinds open against dusty windows
Light creeps in slowly, unsure
Breezes follow blowing behind
Sheets flap then fall softly down
Against smoothing hands patting
And fluffing things into place
Collection of empty glasses taken
Waters run freely from the shower
Towels folded clean and soft, ready
Steps thump against eager stairs
House yawns and stretches awake
Mistress finally wakes again

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Mountains gone today...a poem

Winds brought your
Voice to me
Arrow to my
Heart ripping through
Whispering in ears
Sleeping too long
Mountains gone today
From whipping winds
Hiding behind dust
Still searching far
Under the covers
Hiding feelings deep
Lost so long
Unearthed today to
Flowing tears strong
Even when flowing
Over scars healed

Curled like snails...a poem

I wrote something
Who really cares
Loved  you so
And so lost
So predictable but

Even in happiness
Heart hurts so
Like breaking earth
Into deepest parts
Lava can't reach

Today tears flow
Drowning it all
Gasping once more
Gone too fast
You left me

Forests mean nothing
Under innocent feet
Curled like snails
Unable to move
Twisted after all

Why today when
Sun shines bright
And you're gone
Figuring it out
This time alone

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Angels and Vampires...a poem

Fallen angel
Rising from
Black ash
White lips
Open wide

Wings flap
Against cheeks
Powder pink
Through lashes
She looks

Fangs hide
Under lips
Juicy red
Don't speak
Eternal longing

Looking glass
Still looking
Never finding
Always searching
Here I go again

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I was there...a poem

I was there
Waiting for you
Always strong
Hair flowing
With stars

Trees asked
As I walked 
I know you
Searched for me
And I cry

For you to
Find me finally
As sharks circle
And you swim
I perch gingerly

You searched for
Many moons and
Many more suns
Don't stop searching
I am here...waiting

Blue skies...a poem

Blue skies
Sun shines
Yellow lemons
Bright smiles
Clouds passed
Only love
Fills thoughts
Crystal clear
Life's path
Family only
Matters now
Helping others
Future holds
Sun shines
So happy!