Tuesday, July 24, 2012

From tiger to swan, a journey of self discovery.

As we mature through life and seek to connect with our higher self, we come across images of ourselves which may be inconsistent with how other see us.  Often times we are hard at portraying an image to the outside world that does not reflect our true self.  This may be done for various reasons, such as protecting ourselves, achieving goals, or as a way of borrowing strength to complete a transformation.  For example, I went through a difficult time in my life in a work environment. I felt I needed to display more aggression then I was comfortable with. This was the time I began to really dive into self exploration through astrology, numerology and animal guides/totems.  I felt under attack and threatened by my supervisor, and so I wanted badly to be perceived as a Tiger.  I drew upon the power of the tiger to be left alone by the one who threatened me.  However, ultimately I had come to realize the true me was not a tiger.

As I explored to find the animal that best represented my true self, I solicited feedback from family, friends and co-workers. I had family and friends tell me Swan, Snow Owl, Eagle and Lioness.  I had several coworkers tell me they saw me as a Swan, and even a Dove. A far stretch from the tiger I so badly wanted to be perceived as at work, I thought "no, I am a tiger! I rip the heads off of doves!". I ultimately left that job, and as I explored myself and animal totems further, felt a strong connection to the Lioness. It seemed a good fit for parts of my personality, especially my fierce loyalty, nurturing and protection toward my family.  As I began a new job in a much more healthy and nurturing environment I consciously tried to express my true self.  Right out the gate I found much success in my new position.  I felt surely this was because I was expressing my true self, therefore I thought that meant I was expressing qualities of the Lioness: power, strength, decisiveness. I thought that was why I was finding so much positive feedback and even awe to my "raw talent and natural abilities" as quoted by both supervisors and clients alike.  However, as I got to know my manager better we would have lengthy discussions. She being a very open person to talk to, we somehow got onto the subject of totem animals.  She said she saw me as a bird "pretty, nurturing and free".  Here I was thinking I was  displaying the traits of a Lioness, so I was shocked to again be perceived as a soft, graceful, carefree and nurturing bird animal.  Although I was being myself  from the start, I was still surprised at how different the qualities I saw in myself were from how my manager perceived me.

Even further, as I dove deeper into studies of my astrology and numerology charts I discovered my Soul Urge and Maturity numbers are both 6.  In numerology the Soul Urge number represents the person your soul desires to become and the Maturity number reveals the person you will become-the true self, which usually emerges at the age of 30-35.  In numerology, the number 6 represents beauty, grace, nurturing, humanitarian, deep love of home and family, and art (including fashion and Interior Design).  No wonder my background is in Psychology, Interior Design and Luxury retail. As I turned 30 and got married and started my family, my focus shifted from career ambitions to home and family life. The new job that I took is part-time and working from home, so I can spend more time being a mommy and a wife. The number 6 is also associated with the Swan and Dove! 

Regardless of what animal, Icon or symbol we relate to or feel most comfortable projecting, we are on the journey to discovering and becoming our beautiful true self.  Life's journey brings with it challenges and lessons that uncover the strengths and talents we are to  develop, so we can contribute them to the world.  Along the way we seek answers and we are always guided and protected, and provided with guides and symbols to light the path.  It's funny though that as we seek to understand or discover our true self, those on the outside can see us so clearly.


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