Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bad friends, a painful lesson in life.

I have always been the kind of person that lets others in easily.  My motto has been "give people the benefit of the doubt and my trust, and it's up to them to keep it or loose it".  I know most people are the opposite, they have a wall up upon meeting and it's up to you to prove yourself and win their trust and friendship.  This so so opposite from my thinking that there have been times I gave up on trying to be someones friend because I could not understand why I had to keep proving myself, or pay the price for whatever past experiences caused that wall to go up.  Being so open to people has nipped me in the bud more than once.  As you can imagine I have had many people who have disappointed me.  So called friends I had let into my life, only to turn on me.  I can never understand why that is, and why someone wouldn't want to discuss whatever issues may be weighing them toward ending a friendship.  It is quite normal for people to move apart, or have people in your life for a limited time. What I am referring to is when so called friends betray, reject or try to knock you down.  It is always infuriating and painful for me, even though I try to tell myself it doesn't matter.  And these are just "friends" I'm talking about. I won't even go into the jealous and insecure female co-workers and bosses who had been envious instead of team players.

Just recently I found out a "friend" de-friended me from FB.  Although we hadn't talked for over a year and I sensed she had changed around me the last time I did see her, I was still quite shocked and hurt that someone would actually take the time and energy to un-friend someone.  She and I became friends through another friend when we were pregnant with our first children.  She attended my baby shower and birthday party.  I let her into my life.  Then suddenly she started pulling away for no reason known to me.  She started acting really shady when I did see her again at social gatherings. After many attempts of reaching out to her, I finally gave up.  I found out she was again pregnant with her second child at the same time I with mine, and it hurt me that we were not sharing it together.  Then I discovered she took me off her friends list on FB.  I was so pissed...and hurt.  Not sure what I did that was so awful, but it's not on me to figure that out.  If a person can turn people away so quickly I truly don't want them in my life!

I have had other friends flake out on me too over the years.  Usually I find it's due to some type of jealousy, or deep rooted inferiority issues within themselves.  I am not saying I am a perfect friend here, but true friendship is about being able to discuss things and accept people's short comings.  However, some people just cannot be happy for you when things are going well. It's almost like they are mad that things are going your way.  There are those friends who I have met when I was in a more challenging time in my life, and perhaps misery likes company.  But as I get past my challenges and make the necessary changes to get myself back to balance, these friends are not supportive of the new positive me.  They start becoming negative and judgmental when I share the blessings in my life.  They nick pick at details and question my enthusiasm and validity of the reasons for my optimism.  Each time I let it go because I have empathy that it's due to their own issues, and that it's not personal.  I try to inspire them through my positive outlook to life and take the time and energy to listen and help them through their problems.  Only to make them more annoyed.  I had another friend who I didn't connect with on a trip back home and she was obviously offended, although did not make any effort to connect with me and actually said to my husband "the ball's in her court".  What court?  Who's playing games? 

Perhaps I should start greeting new people with a guard up to protect myself.  Or cut off friends who are negative and drain my energy.  Or become a hermit and cut everyone off because it's easier.  But I refuse to change that about myself.  I will not have shame that I am a warm and open hearted person.  Even if I do get hurt again, as I know I will, I will not change that which is good in me.  The world is effected enough by the vast people who are suspicious and judgmental of others, causing wars and hate crimes.  I know those are extreme cases, however I do believe all of mankind vibrates on energy levels.  If more people vibrate with love and acceptance, that can surely make positive changes to ones immediate environment, and even the planet.

I am grateful for the true friends I do have.  The strong, independent women who support and inspire me.  Who celebrate my successes, as well as listen to my troubles.  To the warm hearted women who are not threatened by the positive traits of others, and try to knock you down when you are up.  But instead cherish the positive traits in others, and get inspired to make the necessary changes in their own lives.  The world outside is enough of a dark and dangerous place.  I am grateful for the bright lights in my life.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Today's precious moment, visit from Butterfly.

This morning I was in the car with my husband and son, heading to an ultra sound appointment for our baby to come.  As we were stopped at a red light, I rubbed my belly and said "we get to see you today little baby. We get to see who has been doing all this kicking".  At that exact moment I looked up and saw a butterfly dance right across our windshield, from my husbands side all the way across to my side.  I laughed out in delight and joy, as I knew it was a sign from my little angel to come!

In the five years I have lived in Las Vegas, I have never seen a butterfly until this Spring.  It was March and I was finishing up training for my new job.  On my way home from training each day, I saw butterflies everywhere!  I thought the Butterfly was sending me a message of transformation and to go with the flow in reference to my new job.  I even purchased a butterfly pillow for the sofa in my home office to remind me of Butterfly's wise lessons.

It was such a delight to be visited by Butterfly again.  I took it as a sign of the transformation my life is to go through with the addition of a new baby.  As well as again the message of "going with the flow" with the rest of my pregnancy, reminding me of the magic and joy pregnancy brings.  Today was the last day of our stay-cation and the week had been especially difficult with me as I was so tired of being pregnant and feeling so tired and cranky all the time.  Butterfly's visit at the exact moment I acknowledged the excitement of seeing my baby was a special gift indeed. In the end, my uncomfortable Cocoon stage will be so worth it with the arrival of my beautiful baby boy!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Thought for the day

Don't worry too much about reaching your goal, celebrate the success of each step taken to get there.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Charging ahead with the Rhinoceros spirit guide.

As we open ourselves up spiritually to receive insight and assistance, it can be like opening the flood gates. Help will come from all over the place.  We are always surrounded by Angels and Spirit Guides who's job and pleasure is to help and assist you.  All you have to do is ask.  They can come in the forms of Angels, Loved one who have passed, or Animal spirit guides.  The more you listen and show gratitude for the help that is offered, the more you will receive!

I have awakened to the assistance of animal spirit guides almost three years ago.  I have always felt a connection with certain animals at certain times in my life,  but I did not necessarily understand why.  Although we have what's called a life time animal that walks your journey with you your entire life, we also have messenger animals that will come to us for a short time to teach us a valuable lesson. My first encounter was when I was pregnant with my first son. I dreamt of a mama bear staring at me with a human expression of pleading that kept me thinking about for a few days later. On a whim I looked up what Bear symbolism in dreams meant.  I learned that when a bear comes to you it is asking you to "take it easy" for the next three months as they do during hibernation.  This was around the time during my pregnancy that I was over exerting myself at work and was ignoring everyone telling me to "take it easy".  I didn't listen to Bear's message and ended up on bed rest a week later. I had exactly three months left in my pregnancy. I learned to listen then, and realized the powerful message that are available in dreams through animal guides!

Since then I have had many animals come to me in dreams. When I was first  transitioning to part time work and learning in many ways how to be less ambitious in career and focus more on home, I was visited by pigeon which represents focusing more on home.  When a promotion opportunity came up at my new job and I considered "lunging" for it, the black panther and snow owl visited me several times with the message to wait and watch and not to pounce just yet. For me it took a conscious effort to not fall into the old patterns of being so career and ambition focused, and I listened to my animal guides with faith and gratitude.

Last night I was visited for the first time by the Rhinoceros.  I was so excited to research this morning what new message and gift was awaiting for me from this ancient and wise animal.  In my dream I was a little bird whose wings were tied down and hidden by the place I was forced to work (funny enough it was Home Depot of all places).  I was in a wheelchair, and the boss kept me inside and out of any rain or water knowing that if I got wet my wings would untie and I would realize I can fly and am free.  As it began to rain outside one day and I was not being "monitored" by anyone I rolled my wheelchair outside into the falling rain drops. I looked up smiling and joyous.  At that moment my lover who was also a bird swooped down and grabbed me from the wheelchair and we flew away.  Later in the dream we were both captured by some sort of enemies that were insects, and taken to a cliff to be killed.  I shape shifted into a mighty Rhinoceros and escaped taking big jumps onto different rocks and columns that lay like steps leading away from the deadly cliff and my enemies.

The Rhinoceros totem brings with it many valuable lessons, such as being unassailable from any enemies and attack, and knowing when to charge when threatened. They are home bodies who enjoy being home and with family, but can be a party animal when out.  Not a social creature, they are admired for their power when among their peers.  They are very focused on the task at hand to get it accomplished. The Rhinoceros also represents ancient wisdom to know thyself and trust your inner wisdom. The Rhinoceros has a deep connection with mother earth, and will keep you grounded as you soar to higher realms of spirituality.

I can certainly make so many connections with my dream and the lessons of the Rhinoceros.
Mainly that I must continue to trust my intuition in situations, and know I will be protected from the harm of other, smaller people. Water represents emotions, therefore I need to let my emotions guide me above service or a job. That even when not visible, I always have the power and freedom to make changes and leave suppressive environments and people. And most importantly to remember to stay grounded during my spiritual explorations.

Lastly, this totem is a solar animal and with it brings escalated body heat, and finding creative ways to keep cool.  I have been complaining to my husband the last few days of feeling overheated. As I am pregnant during a Las Vegas summer with unseasonable humidity making the heat even more unbearable, I supposed I will need to explore different ways of  keeping myself cool.

We are always supported and protected by Guides and Angels during our journey through life.  Never feel alone, or believe guidance is out of your reach.  Take the time to reflect, pray and ask for assistance. Take comfort that lessons can be learned from adversity.  Remember to keep an open mind, and you will soon realize that you are forever enveloped in love, guidance and protection.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Selfishness, a positive lesson from the Fly

Last night I dreamt of a small fly flying right into my face as I was laying in my bed. It seemed so real and startled me awake.  The Fly totem animal brings a lesson of taking the necessary time to be selfish by putting your rest above the needs of others.  Fly totem also means persistence, a healthy ego, and the strength to ask for what you want when you want it.

I just had a conversation about this with a friend last night. I told her how I had to have a conversation with my husband about the importance of him taking on more of the familial responsibilities as I need more down time to rest during my pregnancy. That right now I have to put my unborn baby first, which means putting myself first too.  In a way I had to stand up, almost demand, time out for myself during my pregnancy.  Being a wife and mom brings many responsibilities, along with work responsibilities.  It is hard to find time for yourself.  However, when you are pregnant you have your health and that of your unborn baby to think of first.  This is a strange twist for many women because when you tell your husband you need to take a nap and skimp on your share of the responsibilities, there are feeling of guilt that come along with that.  It is important to remember in those moments that you are not asking to go lounge eating grapes and get fanned while he does all the household chores. Instead, it is about putting your health and rest first.

 Making a baby is tough work, and takes a huge toll on your body.  I had to learn the hard way with my last pregnancy when I ignored every one's advice to "take it easy" and ended up on doctor ordered bed rest for a week.  Now I have to stand up for, and in a way demand, my down time.  But, you don't have to be pregnant to demand time for yourself to recharge.  We all need time to rest and reconnect with the self.  It is during our quiet moments alone that we truly reflect on things and have a dialogue with our higher self.  The term "selfish" has such negative connotations in our society, and can especially be a stigma for woman.  Being selfish is actually healthy and positive when done in balance. It allows one the ability to follow ones path, achieve one's goals, and to love and respect yourself.  Which ultimately makes for a happier and more balanced you that all can benefit from.  Taking time for self is also very important in a relationship. Couples need time and activities alone to nurture the individual within the relationship. 

So take a lesson from the wise Fly and be a little selfish from time to time. Be persistent and relentless when seeking out to achieve your goals.  Don't worry about  "annoying" or putting others off for a while with your self importance and selfishness.  Have the strength to ask for what you need when you need it.  Love yourself enough to put yourself fist sometimes.  Be an individual in a partnership.  Such mighty lessons from such a little creature!