Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bad friends, a painful lesson in life.

I have always been the kind of person that lets others in easily.  My motto has been "give people the benefit of the doubt and my trust, and it's up to them to keep it or loose it".  I know most people are the opposite, they have a wall up upon meeting and it's up to you to prove yourself and win their trust and friendship.  This so so opposite from my thinking that there have been times I gave up on trying to be someones friend because I could not understand why I had to keep proving myself, or pay the price for whatever past experiences caused that wall to go up.  Being so open to people has nipped me in the bud more than once.  As you can imagine I have had many people who have disappointed me.  So called friends I had let into my life, only to turn on me.  I can never understand why that is, and why someone wouldn't want to discuss whatever issues may be weighing them toward ending a friendship.  It is quite normal for people to move apart, or have people in your life for a limited time. What I am referring to is when so called friends betray, reject or try to knock you down.  It is always infuriating and painful for me, even though I try to tell myself it doesn't matter.  And these are just "friends" I'm talking about. I won't even go into the jealous and insecure female co-workers and bosses who had been envious instead of team players.

Just recently I found out a "friend" de-friended me from FB.  Although we hadn't talked for over a year and I sensed she had changed around me the last time I did see her, I was still quite shocked and hurt that someone would actually take the time and energy to un-friend someone.  She and I became friends through another friend when we were pregnant with our first children.  She attended my baby shower and birthday party.  I let her into my life.  Then suddenly she started pulling away for no reason known to me.  She started acting really shady when I did see her again at social gatherings. After many attempts of reaching out to her, I finally gave up.  I found out she was again pregnant with her second child at the same time I with mine, and it hurt me that we were not sharing it together.  Then I discovered she took me off her friends list on FB.  I was so pissed...and hurt.  Not sure what I did that was so awful, but it's not on me to figure that out.  If a person can turn people away so quickly I truly don't want them in my life!

I have had other friends flake out on me too over the years.  Usually I find it's due to some type of jealousy, or deep rooted inferiority issues within themselves.  I am not saying I am a perfect friend here, but true friendship is about being able to discuss things and accept people's short comings.  However, some people just cannot be happy for you when things are going well. It's almost like they are mad that things are going your way.  There are those friends who I have met when I was in a more challenging time in my life, and perhaps misery likes company.  But as I get past my challenges and make the necessary changes to get myself back to balance, these friends are not supportive of the new positive me.  They start becoming negative and judgmental when I share the blessings in my life.  They nick pick at details and question my enthusiasm and validity of the reasons for my optimism.  Each time I let it go because I have empathy that it's due to their own issues, and that it's not personal.  I try to inspire them through my positive outlook to life and take the time and energy to listen and help them through their problems.  Only to make them more annoyed.  I had another friend who I didn't connect with on a trip back home and she was obviously offended, although did not make any effort to connect with me and actually said to my husband "the ball's in her court".  What court?  Who's playing games? 

Perhaps I should start greeting new people with a guard up to protect myself.  Or cut off friends who are negative and drain my energy.  Or become a hermit and cut everyone off because it's easier.  But I refuse to change that about myself.  I will not have shame that I am a warm and open hearted person.  Even if I do get hurt again, as I know I will, I will not change that which is good in me.  The world is effected enough by the vast people who are suspicious and judgmental of others, causing wars and hate crimes.  I know those are extreme cases, however I do believe all of mankind vibrates on energy levels.  If more people vibrate with love and acceptance, that can surely make positive changes to ones immediate environment, and even the planet.

I am grateful for the true friends I do have.  The strong, independent women who support and inspire me.  Who celebrate my successes, as well as listen to my troubles.  To the warm hearted women who are not threatened by the positive traits of others, and try to knock you down when you are up.  But instead cherish the positive traits in others, and get inspired to make the necessary changes in their own lives.  The world outside is enough of a dark and dangerous place.  I am grateful for the bright lights in my life.

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